Season 2 Episode 28.5: The Last Episode Ever

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Grif and Donut are looking at the tombstones of Ghost, Sarge, and Simmons

Grif: (crying) I can't believe they're gone. I'm just so happy.

Donut: God why, why? Why did you have to bury them in their beautiful, shiny, red, armor.

Sarge: (entering from the right) What in Sam Hell are you two Barbies cryin' about?

Grif: What the?

Donut: Sarge, you're alive? We thought you were dead!

Sarge: Nonsense, pinky-pants. I was merely napping.

Grif: But how the hell did you get outta there? I tied you up and poured concrete over the grave! Just in case you turned in to a zombie.

Sarge: Yes, but you made one crucial mistake. You left me my spoon.

Grif: No!

Sarge: That's right! I ate my way out. The soft earth was like a delicious butterscotch brownie to me.

A translucent Simmons materializes behind the tombstones. Cue the ominous "back from the dead" music

Simmons: (spooky voice) Griiiif... Donuuut... It's me, the ghost of Simmons., Iiii've come baaack with a waaarniiing...

The ghost of Simmons is shot many times and falls over dead... well, you know what I mean

Simmons: Huerk? Bleah.

Donut lowers his gun

Grif: What the hell! You just killed Simmons' ghost!

Donut: Wrong. That wasn't Simmons, it was old man Caboose.

Caboose: That's right. It's me, Caboose!

O'Malley: And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids.

Tucker and Doc are revealed in the background... Doc's wearing a dress

Doc: Everyone, I have something to say. Tucker and I, are in love, and we're leaving!

Tucker: That's right. We're getting married, and there's not a damn thing any of you can do about it. Not even you, French speaking Lopez.

Lopez: Zut alors, Monsieur Tucker, vous m'avez promis votre amour.

Caption: Mister Tucker, you promised your love to me.

Everybody: Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Zooms in on the tombstones. They say: "Sarge ?-2004 He was mean and may have once drowned a snake or something" and "Simmons ?-2004 He still owes me 20 bucks and it's not like I'll just forget. What a cockbite."

Lopez: Mon dieu! Ceci est folie!!!

Caption: My God! This is madness!!!

Screen fades to Church standing in the base

Church: Huh? Oh, thank God. It was all a dream. All a dream. All a dreamiemiemiemiemiemiemie...

Lopez: Oui, c'était un rêve horrible...

Caption: Yes, it was a horrible dream...

Lopez: OU ÉTAIT IL?!?

Caption: Seriously.

Ghost: What the fuck just happened!!

Valkyrie & Ophelia: We don't know but it scared us!

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