Drapetomania | Shadowhunters [Jace Wayland]

25; Mea Maxima Culpa

warning! - mentions and descriptions of suicide in the start of the story

(. . .)

Tris felt that hanging out with Jace was something she should've done as soon as she met him; the pair shared the same sense of humour, liked the same books and so much more. They could tell each other anything without being afraid of what the other would say because they didn't judge each other. Quickly, they became closer to each other and were practically joined at the hip. He helped Tris with using her power, which didn't seem to hurt Jace but felt like he was even more closer to her than ever. And Tris always agreed to hangout with him or even train. Funnily enough, they even went on late night drives using Tyler's car to buy food.

And it was one of those days where they were hanging out at the library, a thick book sitting on Jace's lap as he sat sideways on the couch, his feet on Tris' lap, who held a book in her hand, both of them reading calmly, their breaths in sync, one flipping a page faster than the other, almost as though it was a race. Tris had zoned out as she thought about what she had recently told Jace, something personal only the closest to her knew.

"Hey, I have a question," Jace had told her, sitting beside her on his bed. "I remember you telling me you gave up all the medical stuff for a reason...well, now that we're close to each other, do you wanna tell me?"

She had hesitated, the vivid imagery in her mind flashing like lights being switched on in a room that was always dark. She had sat there quietly for at least a minute, and was grateful that Jace didn't push her to speak up fast and was patient. "Okay," she had let out a sigh, mentally preparing herself to tell him something that she had tried to avoid since the day it happened. "You remember Cristina?" He had nodded and had listened intently as Tris had explained how the day she had killed herself was not her first suicide attempt. The first time she had tried to kill herself, she would have almost succeeded had it not been for Tris, who had found her on her bedroom floor, blood surrounding her head and hands. 

The paramedics weren't arriving fast enough, so, alone with the nearly dead body of her best friend, Tris used whatever she had learned to keep her alive as much as possible. Even the doctors were shocked since she had done the procedures almost perfectly. She had saved her best friend. It hurt her even more to understand the fact that her second suicide attempt had been jumping off a building so that Tris couldn't do anything to save her. Maybe that was why she apologized before she jumped off the ledge, ending her life almost instantly.

That had been quite an overwhelming day for her. Jace praised her because of the fact that she had saved her friend's life, and that she told the story as well as she could as he knew it was a sensitive topic.

She snapped out of it as Jace waved his hand in front of her eyes, making her look at him. An amused smile was on his face, an interrogatory expression on hers. He continued to wave his hand in front of her face obnoxiously, purposely, making her glare at him as she knocked his hand away. Jace laughed. "What's wrong?"