Embrace the Suck (Bad, #1)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Knocks rapped from my door, catching my attention. I averted my swollen eyes from my white ceiling and blankly stared at my door. Hindi ako kumilos. Wala akong lakas para gumalaw. I just slowly returned my gaze to the ceiling.

"Kenna, it's me," I heard Oli's muffled voice. I still didn't move.

Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto. I didn't bother to turn my head to look at him. I only budged when I heard Shadow's bark.

I thought my heart was numb from the pain, but it ached at the sight of my boy. Lalo akong naiyak nang muli itong kumahol at kumawala mula kay Oli. My tears flowed down when he ran towards my way. Umupo ako at inabot siya mula sa sahig dahil hindi niya abot ang kama ko.

He barked and energetically pranced in my arms. I tried to keep him close so I can hug him. He bounced as he licked my face.

I've forgotten about him. I was swallowed by grief and pain last night that I didn't even think of my dog. Pagkadating ko sa kwarto ay puro iyak lang ang ginawa ko hanggang sa makatulog. Hindi ko na alam kung anong oras na pero simula nang magising ay hindi ako bumangon. Kahit na nakaramdam ng gutom ay wala akong lakas para tumayo.

Hindi ko alam kung paano nakuha ni Oli si Shadow, basta ang importante ay nasa bahay na ulit si Shadow at wala siya.

"Kumain ka na ba?" tanong ni Oli. Hindi ako sumagot. I placed a kiss on top of my Shadow's head. Oli sighed, as if he knows the answer even with my lack of response. "You need to eat, Kenna. Baka magkasakit ka n'yan."

Umiling ako. "Wala akong gana."

"Kenna..." malungkot na sambit niya.

I looked at him. His eyes were melancholic as it gazed on me. My lips quivered. "He... My father..."

Agad na lumapit si Oli at umupo sa kama. "I know, Kenna. He told us the truth."

"Hindi ko alam ang uunahin kong maramdaman. Sisisihin ko ba muna siya kasi may kinalaman siya sa pagkamatay ni Papa? O uunahin kong magalit kasi itinago niya sa akin ang totoo? Should I feel hurt first because he's only with me out of guilt?"

Oli didn't say anything. He looked at me helplessly and placed his hand on my back, caressing it gently for comfort.

"I feel so betrayed, Oli, and I'm just... so confused. My father died because of..." I sobbed, not being able to finish the sentence. Shadow sat on my lap and whimpered. "Bakit niya sa akin itinago ang totoo? Bakit niya ako kailangan lokohin? Bakit niya kailangan magpanggap? For what? Repentance? All for his guilt? Naawa siya sa akin?"

"Babe," Oli heavily sighed. "I can't give you the answers that you're looking for. You'll have to talk to Saint and listen to his explanation."

Pumikit ako at lumala ang kirot sa puso nang marinig ang pangalan niya. I shook my head. "I don't wanna see him."

Seeing him will only remind me of how he played me. It will only make me realize how stupid I am for believing that I could actually have someone who'll love me just as I am, with no pretensions. And worst of all, he is a living reminder of my father's death.

At natatakot din akong makita siya dahil kilala ko ang sarili ko. Natatakot ako na baka patawarin ko lang siya agad. Natatakot ako na baka ako pa mismo ang humatak sa kanya pabalik. And at the same time, I'm scared that if I take him back again, I'll just risk myself of hurting more. Parang hindi ko na kaya masaktan ulit.

"I'm not saying this because I'm on his side. I'm saying this 'cos we've been friends for years and I know about the voices in your head," Oli expressed. His eyes were unrelenting. "I've seen him look at you. He's not with you because he feels bad. He's with you because he truly loves you. You're so easy to love, Kenna, and you deserve so much of it that it's even harder not to love you."