Chapter 26

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"How was it?" Alice forced a smile once I entered the room.

Mom and Sophia are both asleep, and Dad's out of town. Si Ezra naman, hindi pa nakakabalik ng Baguio kaya kami kami lang ang naiwan dito sa bahay.

"It was fun." I kissed her forehead. "You'd know if you came."

Ngumiwi siya. "Not my kind of crowd."

Kumuha ako ng t-shirt at jogging pants sa cabinet ko at pumasok sa banyo para mag-shower.

"Were you with Raffy rin sa Church?" Rinig kong tanong niya galing sa kwarto.

"Yeah," I answered.

She didn't answer back. After I took a shower and brushed my teeth, dumiretso na ako sa kama para yakapin si Alice. She turned off the TV and buried us in my comforter.

Huminga ako nang malalim. I need to tell her.

No excuses. Ako yung mali. Kahit saan tignan, ako talaga yung mali. And she deserves to know that. I can't imagine the pain she'll feel once I tell her about the kiss, but it'll hurt even more if I hide it even longer.

I put my arm around her and she used my chest as a pillow while hugging me.

Alice has been... so understanding and so good to me. Hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari pagkatapos namin pag-usapan. Natatakot pa ako na pag-usapan pa.

Paano kung mawala siya?

But this is not the time to be a coward. I made a mistake. I should own up to it.

"Alice," I whispered.

"Claude," she whispered back.

I could already hear her breaths getting heavier. It was as if she was trying not to cry.

Alam niya bang darating kami sa puntong 'to?

"I love you." I told her. "Believe me, I love you."

She held me even tighter.

"Raffy and I kissed," amin ko kay Alice. "In Ilocos."

I could already feel my chest getting wet by her tears, but she was silent. Humikbi siya at niyakap ako nang mas mahigpit pa.

"Mahal kita, Claude," Humikbi siya.

It was as if someone was crushing my chest, hearing her cry like this. I hugged her even tighter than how she hugged me. If I could just keep her together, I would. I don't want her to fall apart.

"Mali ko 'yun, Alice," I told her, almost choking on my own breath.

Pigil na pigil na akong umiyak. Ayoko talaga siya saktan. She deserves more than what I'm putting her through.

"May kulang ba sa akin?" she asked.

Napapikit ako sa tanong niyang 'yun.

"Wala," I immediately answered her.

I would never want her to think that it's her fault, or it's something about her that made me do it.

Parang gusto ko na lang sampalin sarili ko sa nangyari. Hindi ko man lang pinag-isipan. Hindi ko man lang naisip kung paano ba maaapektuhan si Alice.

"Don't ever think that you're not enough," I told her. "You're more than enough. It's not because she has something that you don't, and it's not because you have something she doesn't"

She nodded and sniffed her nose.

"You really love her, 'no?"

Ayokong sagutin. Ayoko siyang saktan. But seeing everything, I know I've hurt her enough. The least I can do is have the decency to tell her the truth.

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