Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 60: Fight or Fright

Fade in to Grif, Simmons and Donut standing in front of the Warthog

Simmons: I'm telling you it was here. It drove by while you were talking. You had your back turned, and it went zoom right behind you!

Donut: Well it really sounded like Ehhhhhhhhrchugachugachur-ah, my leg ah!

Simmons: That's not the important part of the story, Donut!

Sarge:    Sure, Simmons, I believe you. You saw an enormous tank that appeared miraculously, and then just as quickly disappeared. And you're the only one that can see it. Just like signs of Donut's heterosexuality.

Simmons: No I'm not, Donut saw it!

Donut: Yeah.

Sarge:    Donut's impressionable. He'd agree with anything you said.

Donut: Yeah.

Sarge:    Aw hell, he'd eat a spoon full of dirt if you told him it tasted like chocolate.

Donut: (gasp) That's not true!

Sarge:    Huhuh, so that's where you draw the line?

Donut: No I mean it's not true that dirt tastes like chocolate, right? Seriously, right?

Simmons: Okay, Grif saw it too. We all saw it.

Grif: I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't see a damn thing.

Simmons: What?

Grif: Tank you say? I have no idea what you're talking about. I was too busy paying attention to our Sargeant while he gave us our orders.

Simmons: Oh really, well what did he say?

Grif: Something inspiring about beating the Blues, and the base or the flag er, or something. I'm pretty sure he mentioned a pole cat too, I was getting a little emotional at the end.

Sarge:    You see Simmons? Some soldiers know how to pay attention.

Grif: Wow, that might be the first time you've ever actually compli-

Sarge:    Shut up dirtbag.

Simmons: Grif, you just told us two minutes ago that you saw it.

Grif: Hyeah, I know, but it's a lot more fun this way.

Cut to Ghost, Tucker, Caboose, Tex and the ghost of Church outside the complex

Church: Ugh, man I just cannot fuckin' stand the idea of my body laying in there.

Andy:    Heh haeh, you never looked better!

Church: Hey shut up, Andy! You know, we could have taken that alien out if I'd have hit him just a few more times.

Ghost: you're a fucking ghost...

Tucker: A few more times? How about one time?

Church: Well I think I landed at least two or three shots.

Tucker: Yeah right.

Tex: You didn't hit anything but the wall.

Church: How the hell would you know, you were runnin' straight backwards.

Tex: This is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.

Ghost: actually, you can use it at point blank and have the same result.

Tucker: Where were you planning on shooting him from, the fucking moon? If you'd have backed up any further you'd have had to mail him the bullets.

Tex: You know what? I work better alone. You ladies stay here, I'll be back in two minutes with that thing's head on a platter.