Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

28 January, 1978 - Fight

***

Lavinia did indeed give James and Sirius a dressing down for their lack of foresight with Evans. Then she gave them an apology for the way she'd behaved in response. And finally, she gave them her forgiveness, because what she'd told Peter was true. Anger was hard when she had so little energy to spend on feeling anything at all. And it was made so much harder by the reality that she wasn't half as angry as she was sure she should be about so many other things in her life. So she forgave them, and forgave them easily. After all, if she wasn't angry with her mother, how could she possibly be angry with these boys.

But she also wanted space. She loved these boys, more than she would ever have thought possible, but their joy could be suffocating sometimes. They were so blithely, easily happy, like it was the most natural thing in the world to laugh the night through and she... she was cold and sad and she knew it. There were nights, like the night after the encounter with Evans, when she smiled through not because she felt it, but because she didn't want to ruin their fun. And she knew they saw it. Or, at least, Peter and Sirius did, and Remus would have if he'd been there. She loved James dearly, but sensitivity was not his finest characteristic.

Peter she knew saw, because the small boy would send her encouraging smiles and gentle assurances in his own, quiet, cautious manner. Of course, she supposed Peter was used to being the one overlooked and so he spent his time looking. He was more watchful and more aware than she thought any of the other three realized. He might be terrible at reading strangers, but he knew his friends like the back of his hand and he knew their tells.

And Sirius knew. Because Sirius always knew. It was a source of mixed frustration and gratitude for Lavinia, who could never decide just where she stood on the issue. Sirius seemed to have the ability to read her mind, though she often wondered how much of it was knowing her tics combined with lucky guesswork. She supposed she shouldn't mind either way, and when it all came down to it, she was glad he never made a fuss in front of the others. There were nights when her smiles were forced and she was sure he knew it, but the only indication was the level stare he gave her, a silent indication that he understood. She knew also that it was an open invitation to talk about it if she ever needed to. But she never took him up on it. Her brief moments of opening up were constrained to when she was asked.

Besides which, right now, she needed to reevaluate her trust. However easily she'd forgiven them and however much they'd apologised, the fact remained that they had infringed on some unspoken agreement. They had brought someone Lavinia didn't trust to a place she was used to being safe. And that knowledge still tugged at her.

So it was that two nights after the incident with Evans, Lavinia found her feet headed not for the seventh floor corridor that was their default meeting place, but for the hospital wing and what she hoped would be the easy company of Remus Lupin, who, at least, could be trusted to give her a quiet night. It had, apparently, been a bad full moon and, if she was honest, Lavinia felt rather guilty for having not checked in on Remus sooner. The other boys had assured her would be fine and that Madam Pomfrey was simply being cautious, but she still thought she should have at least offered her company, for whatever it was worth.

She unlocked the doors sometime around midnight with a whispered spell and slipped in, shutting and locking them behind her with as little noise as possible. The rows of beds stretched before her and Lavinia scanned them, at last finding the only occupied one towards the back of the hall. As she padded over to it, she realized she hadn't considered what she would do if there were other people in the wing. But overnight stays were rare at Hogwarts as it was well known that Madam Pomfrey could mend just about anything in the blink of an eye. Still, she was lucky to see that the only person here was Remus.