Perfectly Fragile

Chapter Thirty Eight

I'd been awake for a little while now, just watching Dawn rise above the lake. Allowing the peaceful morning to calm my tired soul.

As soon as I woke up I untangled myself from the silver beast as embarrassment washed over me. I shivered when the slight breeze caressed my skin. Frost had settled on the ground meaning snow wasn't far behind.

I was grateful I had a moment to breath before facing wolf. Guilt weighed heavy on me as I thought back to my previous exclamation of hate. I had all but placed blame on him for my shattered life when he ahd played no part in.

Granted I was hurt, scared and even a little tortured by my past memories but he didn't deserve my outburst. I remember the feelings that cursed through me, it was like a blurr of conflicting emotions ran through me all at once. I felt full to the brim of hurt and pain, the only thing I was certain of was it wouldn't be the last time I felt thst way.

I was normally good at hiding my emotions, but ever since the silver beast entered my life I seemed to be on a spiral.

"are, are you OK?"

His voice sent nervous shivers through my body. To embarrassed to look at him I kept my gaze on the gentle flowing river in front of me.

"I'm sorry"

I Ignored his question wanting him to know I didn't blame him, that I was wrong for taking it out in him. It wasn't out of fear why I was desperate for him to know, yes he could kill me but a part of me somehow knew he wouldn't hurt me. I.. I trusted him.

I could feel his warmth as he stood behind me, instantly drawing me in, I wanted to sink into his soft fur an defrost my cold body. Maybe even find the same comfort I found last night.

"I didn't mean to take it out in you, th...the orphanage is place I don't like to remember, I didn't realise I'd be so affected by being there again."

I knew I had to give him something I had to be honest and put some faith into the trust I felt with him.

" why don't we sit down maybe you could tell me more about your time there? "

Shaking my head no, I tried to find the courage within me to open my heart just a little. I couldn't do it in my head though I needed to hear my own voice speak my truth.

"I.. I used to be strong, not physically but mentally. No matter what they did, or through at me I remained strong in my mind. I always used to think it was the one thing they couldn't take from me.

I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts but soon I was an open book like the rusted lid to my pain had finally been pried open just an inch.

"when alpha took me to my hut I thought that maybe it was some kind of humanity he had found within himself. I naively believed he had any. I was relieved to be taken from the orphanage because I felt my mental strength begin to falter.

I thought the hut was my chance at some kind of freedom, thst maybe my life would be simple now. No more suffering but I was wrong. "

" what happened when you lived in the hut? "

I could tell he felt angry at my words for reason I was not yet sure of, but he couldn't hide the concerns and reluctantcy in his voice.

" I was entrapped in isolation, at least when I lived in the orphanage I witnessed life being lived around me. Living in the hut alone without a single soul even passing by stirred up a feeling I never thought I was capable of feeling, defeat. Not only was I alone and imprisoned away from any life, the only person I did see was alpha, the only time I was in another person's presence was filled with pain. "

"I'm so sorry Breya"

Sadness filled the beasts voice making my heart squeeze at the sound.

"I had no sense of time, what day it was, I don't even know what year it is. When I was brought back to the pack after what Im presuming was years I felt helpless. I had this unbearable anxiety that hadn't been there before, I cared what they thought, I cared that they were looking. I cared that I gave them exactly what they had wanted all these years. My hope. "

Silence fell over us as I collected myself a little. I wanted him to understand that all of this was just difficult for me. Even havjng someone to talk to wasn't easy I had spent most of my life alone. Now I'm Reliving all of my past with my new invisible fears, and my allies are the same creatures who have darkened my life. He had to know that I was sorry but I needed home to understand.

"I hadn't expected it to be this hard, I thought I could deal with this the same way I had for all these years. But I'm not that strong willed person anymore, I'm not even sure I know what kind of person I am right now. I'm truly am sorry for the way I treated you yesterday I.. I

I was cut of by the beast his sternesss catching me of guard.

"you have nothing to apologise for,, I can't and won't pretend to understand how hard this is for you, but I will say this. The fact that your here standing with us after all you've endured is beyond any strength I've ever known. Don't ever doubt yourself Breya you are not weak ".

His voice became gentle towards the end of his small meaningful speech. His words meaning more to me than he realised. A single tear escaped my eyes at the kindness wolf was still showing me.

" promise me that if this becomes to much for you thst you will tell me. Both me and my wolf need to know you won't suffer alone anymore, you will never be alone again Breya that I can promise you"

"that's a pretty big promise..

A shrill scream got caught in my throat as my lungs forgot to breath my words catching in my throat and becoming lost to me . Like all the air had been knocked out of me I felt my body arch in pain. Like all the other times I'd felt this pain I was unable to speak. Forgetting everything and everyone around me.

My soul focus was on the searing pain that shot through my body. I hit the floor as I rattled with the pain, silent screams were begging to be released as I threw my body around to make it stop.

Every inch of my skin felt like it was on complete fire, my head felt like it was ready to implode at any given moment, my vision was gone as I lost every single one of my senses. My last rational thought before my body passed out from the pain was.

'I hadn't looked into the beasts eyes'