Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 68: Getting All Misty

Fade in to Donut and Sarge attacking the Blue Base ...sort of

Donut: If you don't like the plants idea, how do ya feel about a fountain in the armory? That place is so gloomy.

Sarge:    Come on, Donut, give it a rest already. I agreed to let you use Grif's helmet as a decorative bird bath, didn't I? Don't oversell.

Donut: Okay, but I have just one more idea. I'm gonna say two words, and then walk away. Chantilly, lace.

Sarge:    Unless you're about to start singin' a Big Bopper song, I think the best part of that idea is the walkin' away.

Donut: Let it simmer.

Sarge:    Hmm, no sign of any defenses. I think we might be catching Simmons at a weak moment.

Donut: Hmm, no sign of the tank either.

Sarge:    Dear God, the madness is spreading! It's only a matter of time before it takes me!

The sound of Grif coming up from the hole

Grif: Wheeeeeeeee!

Donut: Did you hear that? It sounds like they're having fun in there.

Sarge:    Clearly Grif has become so stupid, he's mixed up the yells for pain and happiness! Simmons must be doing absolutely diabolical things to him! Let's give him a few more hours, see if he escapes on his own.

Grif: Simmons I am having a blast going in and out of your hole!

Simmons: Grif just stay down there like you're told.

Donut: Well that's my cue, let's go!

Cut to Simmons inside the Base, like the good Blue Red he is

Simmons: Grif, stop it I need your help.

Grif: (still going in and out of the hole) Go ahead, I'm listening.

Simmons: Would you stop riding that stupid grav lift?

Grif: I can do both at once. And why don't we have one of these things?

Simmons: The tank's been making upgrades to the base over the last few hundred years.

Grif: How did it do that without any tools? ...Or arms?

Simmons: I don't know, a lot of what she says doesn't match up. I think she might be lying to me.

Grif: You think the enemy's weapons are lying to us? What a surprise!

Simmons: It seems like a setup, I just can't figure out how.

Grif: (getting punched or something) Ow!

Simmons: I don't know, if I can piece it together maybe that'll help fix things with- Sarge!?

Sarge:    Hello, Simmons.

Simmons: Where's Grif?

Sarge:    Well this here's a rescue operation. He's unconscious down below, being prepped for evac.

Simmons: If it's a rescue operation, why did you knock him out?

Sarge:    Well, all work and no play, you know, heh heh heh.

Simmons: That's dumb.

Sarge:    I think you know the proper procedure for submitting complaints, Simmons.

Simmons: Heugh, I'll get my calligraphy pens.

Sarge:    Don't bother. I think you also know how we treat traitors on Red Team!