Seven Fathers «BTS»

Chapter Thirteen

Hara stared at the grave. It was early in the morning, wearing her coat on a cold morning. She was supposed to be on her office but her mind suddenly changes and she found herself driving all the way to Seoul's cementery to visit her husband's grave.

The grave was build inside a small house. Private. With swirling patterns on the iron windows, the tiled floor was neatly cleaned. Beside Baekhyun's grave was her mother's. Baby blue marble while his was matte black with golden letters.

She sat there in silence for the past couple of minutes? Hours? She couldn't count. Her mind was blank, not really knowing why she had came in the place rather on her office and a interview on CNN.

Finally, after hours of staring into nothing she had manage to speak.

" Beak... I can't do this..." She teared up. Puffy eyes was streaming with tears once again as she pulled her knees and covers her face with her palms to cover her crying face. She sat on the cold white marble floor, even if there's a huge bench at her back.

" It pains me Beak... It pains be that I couldn't bring up your existence to the kids...it pains be that they will be calling someone a daddy and that it's not you... It pains be that all my-my decision would just go to waist... I'm scared. I fear that they'll choose their biological father than you... Than us. I'm not a great mother Beakhyun, I gave my children worry and just materials to make them satisfied and I know it's not what a mother should suppose to give. I should show them that I love them...I tried but I think it isn't enough. I love my babies. I really do, but I'm not good enough to show it to them. I'm scared..." She sob. Gripping the edge of her sleeves as her oval shaped average nails dug its way to her palms. Biting her bottom lip she prevented herself from letting out a cry or a sob.

She hoped that he's there. That he's listening to her cried and would help her. Funny how she wishes to Baekhyun being alive.

" I don't know what to do...I'm loosing them bits by bits" she held her gripped hand on her chest. Feeling of beat.

She gave herself some minutes to scream, to cry and tall nonsense in thin air. It was only her and the stones so she gave herself a freedom to cry the pain she felt. The pain of loosing a lover.

Sure it's been years, but she hasn't yet moved on from that matter. If she swore or promise herself, his memories would just haunt her mind. She misses him so much and she's beginning to go insane. She has no time with her children, spending it on locking herself alone and flooding her time with interviews, paperwork's and documents. She needs a distraction from the pain.

"I apologise Mom... For crying to your son and from disturbing you from you sleep" she said. Feeling the need to say it because his mom's grave are beside his. Bowing with respect she wore her sunglasses to cover her now puffy and red eyes. She bid her farewell.

"I'll be leaving now" she unknowingly wave and gave one last glance to the matte marble before she went off to her car and driving off to buy some toys or foods for her kids.

Baekhyun together with her mom stared at her frame with sadness as he sigh. He shouldn't have left her. If only he was strong and healthy enough, he and her are probably happy.

But he couldn't do anything just to stare and watch his wife, crying her heart out. Alone and no one to comfort her. He so badly wanted to hug her and kiss her, tell her that she was a great mom and a brave woman, but he's just a mere speck. He's just air and couldn't be seen. He's just a soul.

~•~

"Guys mommis here!" Jaeneung whispered scream to his siblings and the adults as they hide themselves under the table, or on the huge cabinets displayed on the living room. Jungkook pulled him on the side of the cabinet as he let out a giggle of excitement.