To AW -
Whew. This has been one helluva year, right? I can't believe I got lucky enough to be your friend. You really had a talent of making me laugh on that shitty voice calls, and the way you cared about me just makes me smile.
It's weird knowing you're a popular probably going to be famous guy and I'm just... me. People say I'm good at writing but when you say it I almost believe it. Isn't that weird? You've cried in front of me and you told me how you haven't done that before.
You told me I was an angel or goddess. Saint, maybe? I can't remember. I was either drowning in your half-meant insults or half-meant compliments. I tried to give you colors and smiles, I'm not sure if it worked.
I mean, I only pushed seeing you so much because I want you to smile. I wanna see your smile in real time, I wanna hug you and feel the warmth. If we meet, would you be the person I see inside my head? Or will you let me down too?
I'm listening to your songs and I remember how much you tried to hide those things. Man, you really hated them. But I found it and I loved the songs.
You even told me what they meant. I thought that meant something. I tried to open up and I'm not sure if that was the best choice.
If I could turn back time, I'd of changed so much. I'd stop you from going on that stupid date, I'd talk to K more, I'd make sure to keep things together.
I guess I'm not as over it as I thought I was. I never told anyone but my relapse was caused because of that night. I didn't know time could go backwards but in a couple of seconds one year could reversed.
I struggled with these feelings for a long time. When you dated C, it hurt so much. I just wanted to curse them out. As you vented to me about V I didn't know what to do other than listen. But these feelings don't matter.
What matters is your recovery. You've been sleeping less, I assume. I hope you eat something today.
From,
me
