Mafia princess

Chapter 10: Lets go for a Rydee

This is a very short chapter but I wanted to separate it from my next one.

Also I hope you're enjoying your weekend xo

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We spent the evening watching several movies some sad, some scary but most were comedic and like I said, the boys were in tears by the end of the notebook.
See, they should listen to me more often.

All of us parted ways at the end of our evening together, I think we all just wanted space. I headed up to my bedroom as although I enjoyed the evening it didn't discard of the thoughts in my head and the stabbing pain that had built up in my chest.
As well as it being pretty late by the time we had finished and I was exhausted both mentally and physically.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I realised that my door had been replaced and no longer had bullet wounds from Doms little temper tantrum.
Well thank god for that because the sight of an open door seriously triggers me!

He had no business DESTROYING it though.

My room had also been thoroughly cleaned and held the smell of fresh mint. I inhaled it and it calmed my thoughts.
The night air was cold and I shivered from it but I let it send goosebumps onto my skin.

I jumped into bed shortly after and lay there for a while, I wasn't thinking about anything I just stared at the ceiling, my eyes and mind holding a blank expression. It was like I was frozen and my mind was blank. Crisp.
I wanted to pull myself out of it but I want sure how.

Once I had shook off the terror dreaming that I had assumed I was doing, tiredness embarked itself onto me and  took over my body unwillingly as I dozed off into my thoughts as well as what would end up to be, a terrible night.

...

I gasped sucking in the cold, crisp air as I was awoken by the mental screams of my mom inside my tainted head. I coughed violently as a reflex as tears uncontrollably ran down my face, soaking my cheeks until they grew red and stung from soreness.

Fuck this. I'm not sleeping!
Every time I close my eyes I am introduced to a new terror, each more horrifying than the last. So much so that it makes me feel anxious for the day to pass and reach night again.

I could still hear her voice, I'm not crazy but I can just hear her. She was calling out for me, telling me she needed me and to come and find her. I could smell her perfume and her natural scent and it was torture to me as I couldn't do anything to make it go away.
She replayed constantly in my head, on repeat like a broken record, traumatising me every time it went on a loop and escape was not an option, I can't escape my own damned thoughts.

Half asleep but very much mentally awake, I jumped out of my bed and switched on the shower throwing myself violently into it.
I sat under the freezing water with my clothes still attached to me in hope that it would numb my body and my thoughts.
Maybe it would wash away the guilt in being bombarded with?
Sienna water can't magic the pain away.

I wasn't aware as to if I was in my right mind or not but honestly, all I cared about and all that was important to me in this moment was numbing this pain that was constantly being evoked in me.

I soon began to feel the burn of the cold water against my skin, it stung and engraved itself into me. I grew red and sore but I remained there, I was to weak to remove myself so much so that I'd rather sit and continue hurting myself.
Mentally I knew I should get out but I couldn't physically bring myself to, it's like my body wouldn't let me.
My mind was telling me to leave but my body told me that I deserved it.