From Within The Shadow

Realisation

I wish I knew why I felt this way,

why I want to hear all the lies you say.

Why I feel the only way my heart will mend

is by having you in my life,

even as a friend.

I tell you the negative though to keep you at bay

so it doesn't seem that you get your own way.

You tell such lies,

it's not all me,

I just hope that one day I will be free

of this invisible hold

because of how I feel

and each day my eyes will open

to the world that is real.

I no longer want to drag myself down,

I want to smile at the world

not cry and frown.

It hurts so much on the days that are hard

knowing how easy it was for you to discard

all memories of me and go to pastures new,

although,

realistically,

it was a third of a few.

I have to face the fact that this will never be

and get strong enough to allow myself to be free,

realise that it's me that is still holding on

because I don't want to believe that it's really all gone.

I try desperately to see all of your flaws,

all the while,

I'm clutching at straws.

I have to tell myself that there's many more

people out there

waiting to love and adore,

that I am worthy of someone to show they love me

and that there is someone out there

happy with I can be.

Yet as long as I hold my candle for you

how can I allow their love to shine through?

I'm making good progress each day that arrives,

with each positive moment

my well being thrives.

There are many knocks,

I have to deal with these,

'til I can bring out the girl

who is so easy to please.

I can get my life back on track then

and maybe one day

learn to trust again.