Ophelia

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"Do you think our sex life is boring?" Spencer asks as he dumps sugar into his coffee and stirs it up.

I look around the diner, making sure no one is staring at us. At least he said it quietly enough so that only I could hear it.

"What?" I ask him, taking packets of Splenda from the holder to put in my coffee.

"Is it... dull?" He continues.

I shrug while also shaking my head. "Spence, we've only had sex a few times—"

"The first time didn't count because you didn't have an orgasm," He interjects, setting the sugar down in its place and looking back up at me. "So... one time."

I look back at him from underneath a furrowed brow. "So, what would you call the other time and the hotel room head, then?"

He scrunches up his nose and looks back down at his coffee, grabbing the bowl of creamer cups. "Um... I don't know. Still, it was... it was one time."

I watch as he dumps the tiny cups of half and half into his coffee cup. "So, why are you asking if it's boring?"

"Well, statistically, couples who—"

"No, I don't want the statistics," I cut him off, reaching for his coffee and pulling it toward me to catch his attention. His eyes are on me now and his cheeks are dusted with pink. "I want to know why you asked."

He sighs and looks down at the table. "Because... I'm boring. In every aspect, especially in the bedroom. I told you, I've never done anything outside of... regular sex. Missionary or doggy, regular, boring..."

I gently slide his coffee back to him. "You're not boring, Spence. I think you're a very interesting man. As for the bedroom stuff, it's not a big deal! Everyone gets out of the 'regular' stage eventually." I put air quotes around 'regular' as I say it and give Spencer a smile.

"So, what do you like? That isn't... regular?"

I chuckle and take the bowl of creamer from him, grabbing one cup and opening the top before dumping it into my coffee. "This is a great breakfast topic."

"Sorry," He apologizes, sounding a little bit defeated.

"Hey! No, I'm just a little taken aback, y'know? How about this: I'll tell you something that I like and... you tell me something that you like or want to try. Cool?"

He nods eagerly, looking from my cup of coffee to make eye contact with me.

"Alright, well, I like to be smacked sometimes—"

"You what?!" He asks a bit too loudly. When I look around, several people are looking our way. I feel my cheeks heat up and sink lower into the booth.

"Spencer..." I scold through gritted teeth.

"Sorry, but I can't—" He starts, realizing that he's still talking a bit too loud. He lowers his voice to the volume it was before, so that only we can hear. "I can't smack you."

"You'd be against trying it?"

"Yes! I... I'm not gonna smack you, Ophelia. I... couldn't."

I try my best not to look disappointed and only give him a shrug. "Alright, well, your turn."

Spencer is quiet for a second, stirring his coffee. "Um... having you be on top?" He keeps his eyes fixated on his cup as he says it.

"Consider it done. What else?" I say quickly, getting him to look up at me.

"Uh..." He scratches his head. "I don't know. Car sex?"

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