Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 5 Episode 95: Loading...

Fade in on the computer readouts inside the ship

F.S.:    Hello, and thank you for activating the M808- wait a minute. Where am I?

Caboose:    Sheila! You're awake! I am so happy, look- we got you a new place to live. Now you are the big ship lady.

F.S.:    I like it. It is so roomy. Much nicer than that stuffy old tank.

Caboose:    And now... you can fly.

F.S.:    Are you the pilot Caboose? Shall I run the tutorial program?

Caboose:    Mmm, yeah. Uh, let's not do that right now.

Ghost: We just wait here for now, nothing else.

Cut to the underground viewscreen the Reds are looking at

Sarge:    Look they're invading our base! And we're not even there to defend it. Oh the humiliation! Men, this aggression cannot stand. We'll beat those Blues all the way back across the canyon. This is the moment we've all been training for!

Grif:    Training? We haven't done any training. The only one that trains is Ghost. Wait, is sleep considered training?

Sarge:    Simmons, as with all our battle plans, I need you to punch Grif in the back of the head. Simmons? Simmons!

Simmons:    Uh huh, yeah, I agree. Everything you say is right, Red Team's great... hooray.

Sarge:    Simmons, stop watching those T.V.s.

Donut:    Yeah Simmons, give it up. There's not gonna be any more pictures of naked girls on there.

Simmons:    Shut up, you don't know that. Stop saying that. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

Sarge:    Men, this won't be easy. The Blues will be totally bunkered down. At both bases, which gives them an enormous strategic advantage! They also have Ghost hostage! But we're the Red Team.

A flag lowers behind Sarge, with someone singing

Sarge:    Sure, you might not be the best squad... might not be smart... or energetic, or have any skills that qualify you for duty in any other legitimately recognized military unit. However-

Donut:    Where did that flag come from?

Grif:    Flag, who gives a fuck about the flag. How about who's singing?

Sarge:    But with precise operations, and proper communication, we will emerge victorious! With a little luck, one of us in particular, will die a horrible death! Either at the hands of the Blues, or as part of a cunning distraction by yours truly.

The singing stops

Simmons:    Why don't we just take over Blue Base?

Sarge:    Nonsense! At Blue Base they're much more fortified. Blue Base has turrets. Blue Base has a tank!

Simmons:    Blue Base has no one in it.

Sarge:    What?

Simmons:    Look, see? They're all gone.

Sarge:    Where'd they go?

Donut:    They went to Red Base. That's what we've been talking about.

Grif:    But which one of these caves leads to the Blue Base? I'm all turned around down here.

Donut:    I have an idea.

Cut to the Reds standing over the bodies of the two Blue corpses

Donut:    See, these are dead Blues.