The Land Of Ruined Hopes ☆ Carrots.

95 10 15
                                    

Author: Shraelyn

Reviewer: __Carrots__

Chapters Reviewed: Six

o First Impression:

Blurb wise:

The first line of your blurb is really good. I am invested from the that line itself. So good job.

But the next part of the blurb I believe is very what word do I use... jumpy?

You start by telling how a 100 years old betrayal affects the Steel family.But in the next sentence you talk about Owen's death and then the Haven and then Owen's death again.

Yes, yes. I know that the betrayal, Owen's death and Crystal appearing at The Haven and Owen's death again are connected events. But the way you have written the events out is not chronological. And it does, it really does put off the reader.

Now, the third paragraph starts with a "But", you might not sense it, but that "But" shows hesitance to us readers.

The whole first line actually. "But she never agreed to go to the Land Of Ruined Hopes." It's really not working. That land is called The Land Of Ruined Hopes because it ruins hopes and expectations. Above that, and primarily Crystal needs Owen back, when she agreed to that necessity, she agreed to everything. Every challenge, every danger, every monster and every land that ruin hopes, she agreed to all of it. So this line just shows unwillingness.

There is a grammatical error in the fourth paragraph of your blurb.

"And from there her journey in the Land Of Ruined Hopes..."

Should be changed to

"And from there, her journey to the Land Of Ruined Hopes begins."

And here, in the fourth paragraph, I really appreciate how you have used the terminologies of the species. I don't know what they are so immediate in the book, so I'm going to refer to them as species. I really like how you used Rampage and Tatvas. It makes us feel that everything in the book is factual. Even though fictional; factual.

(Side note: Notice how I used the semi colon here)

Shravani, what is a world of darkness, joy and buried secrets?

Ding!

It's our world.

So unless you were inspired by the The Land Of Ruined Hopes from dear Earth, then perhaps go for a different descriptive phrase?

Because that line is a bit evasive, I know you can do a better job at enhancing the description of the land your book revolves around.

And don't. Don't do it. Don't add Crystal's feelings for somebody and equal it to a hot mess.

Owen's life, every person's vengeance, all those things that happened eighty years ago, add it all with Crystal's crush and it's a hot mess.

No Shravani, no.

And the last line.

You can do better. I know your aim was to depict the seriousness and the monumnetalism of Crystal defeating Wind. That it's all or nothing.

Here, I'll give you a tip.

Never, never use "buts" in your blurb ever.

But. But. But, it's confusing. Why the but? Crystal has to do it, so why the but?

The Reader's POV: Review Book {CLOSED}Where stories live. Discover now