Mistletoe in the Mortuary (Inspector Rames)

Chapter 6

Life, Cassia mused, bounced between extremes. Everything was so right, and then it was all so wrong.

She hardly slept that night and went for a walk early the next morning to clear her head, wandering aimlessly through the city.

When you get in too deep, people let you down. I'm going to hurt you.

You're going to hurt me.

No. She hadn't hurt him. He'd looked their chemistry in the eyes and bolted. He'd shut her out and undone everything with no warning. And no matter what she said, she knew it wasn't all about protecting her. Even if he didn't realise it, he was protecting himself. Sebastian didn't do commitment, and she was a woman who'd let another man put a ring on her finger at a very young age. The thought of any kind of intimate relationship with her clearly terrified him.

She marched down another street and caught sight of a familiar tram stop. A tram was pulling in, and she broke into a run to catch it.

She found a seat just as it pulled away, beside a sniffling woman wrapped up in so many layers that she looked like a bulky snowman. Cassia shivered as the city slipped past, ruefully glancing at her bare legs. When she got back, she was going to have a hot shower (please let the heating be working) and then...

Then she'd be left with nothing but her loneliness again.

The tram stopped near her street. She walked to her road and climbed up the metal staircase, past open back doors and loud-mouthed shoppers looking for the cheaper places. It grew quieter as she rose up, until she reached the final landing and found silence. The metal was sticky beneath her feet, and the air stank of beer and cigarettes. She didn't think it had been deserted for long -- it was a hotspot for under-age drinking.

Her flat was tucked further away from that hotspot, where the air was a little cleaner. Gem was sitting in front of her door.

She stood up as Cassia approached, beaming. "Hey! I have so much to tell you! I did call last night, but you didn't pick up, so I thought I'd just drop by to say it. Lucien is officially my boyfriend! We had dinner at The Silver Star again and..." Her eyes widened as Cassia drew closer. "Wait, have you been crying...? Where have you been?"

Cassia stopped a few feet away, hugging her coat tight around her. "Walking."

"I thought you'd just nipped out to get some milk. Where were you? What happened?"

Cassia chewed her lip. "Let's go inside."

Trains whooshed through the sky far above them as she rang the doorbell and scanned herself in. They squeezed down the narrow hallway to the living room and sank onto knackered sofas. Rough floorboards with nail heads sitting proud lay beneath them. Cassia drew her knees up to her chest, desperate to feel some warmth.

"Hey." Gem pulled her in for a hug. "It's going to be okay. Tell me everything."

Cassia did. She talked about Sebastian's vow to stop her feeling lonely, the wine-tasting lesson, the almost-kiss, and what he'd said to her afterwards. She talked about lasting one day as friends before they'd kissed again at the concert.

And she told her about his accusations.

"I don't want love," she said. "I just wanted to stop ignoring the attraction between us. It's been there since the day we looked at each other...maybe it's time we perused it. But he doesn't trust me."

Gem was quiet for a while. "Maybe he's scared of ruining your friendship."

"He's always looked out for me. I wish there was something I could do to help him in return, but I never know what's going on in his personal life. Or in his head."