Chapter 49 - Found

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My heart is racing but my mind is moving so slowly it's almost at a stand-still. I pull back to try and gauge his reaction even though I can't make heads or tails of my own thoughts. Jeremy looks just as dazed and confused as I feel. His strong arms are still around me, his face still inclined towards mine.

Maybe it's the austerity of my situation, maybe it's the anisette and the memories of better days or maybe it's just him and the way he smells and the way he feels... here, now, finally. But before I can stop myself I find myself kissing him again, relishing with great astonishment how gentle his mouth is against mine, how soft his lips are and how they move in perfect unison with my own, like they've done this a hundred times before. His rough stubble grazes my face, leaving a welcome sting on my skin. He tastes like honey, coffee and alcohol and it's intoxicating.

His arms relax around me and his hands wrap around my waist. My hands climb slowly up his chest and as my fingers wrap around his neck, he takes in a sharp breath and leans in deeper into the kiss as though he's just realised what's happening. The intensity, the hunger, his grip on me, our bodies burst into flames and everything around us fades away. There is only the sound of our hearts pounding against our chests, the feel of his tongue exploring my mouth, the avid pull of his hands at my waist. 

I go slightly dizzy. I need to come up for air but I don't dare tear my lips away from his. I twist my fingers into his sweater and effectively pull him even closer. He responds by kissing me harder, desperate and urgent. And then, without warning, he brings his hands up to my face, holding me in place while he steps away from me.

It's like being rushed up from the depths of the ocean way too quickly. I open my eyes and am surprised by all the light in the room. The sun is fully risen in the sky. Jeremy is standing about four feet away from me, chest heaving, hands behind his head. His swollen lips are still parted, as are mine. His hair is dishevelled and his sweater stretched from where my fingers were clutching it.

I try to reclaim some control over myself but seeing the look in his eyes, dark and focused and panicked at the same time, I know I have no hope of that. I try to think about what the hell it is that I'm doing, but that's when I realise... I don't care!

A wave of savage recklessness takes over me and in two quick strides, I close the distance between us and I'm back on him, kissing him impatiently. His fingers instantly lose themselves in my hair as he kisses me back greedily. We stagger backwards and forwards until my back slams against the island. He presses further into me, hands tilting my head back so he has better access to my mouth. An insatiable void starts to build up somewhere in my abdomen and my hands wander over his back. But then, his mouth hardens and again, he pulls away.

This time his hands stay on my shoulders, keeping me at a safe distance. But I see the agonizing look in his eyes, as though it's causing him physical pain to do so.

"What?" I say breathlessly.

He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. He takes in a slow breath and shakes his head looking defeated. He curses under his breath as his eyes drop to the floor.

"I can't," he groans eventually.

I stare back at him confused. His hands slip down from my face to my neck leaving a red, hot trail behind them. 

"What?"

"I can't," he repeats, still obstinately looking away from me.

"You can't what? Kiss me?"

He gives me a brief look as though I'm losing my mind before he lets go of me and walks away, running his fingers through his tousled hair.

"Wow!" I sigh in disbelief, a new kind of hurt weaving its way through my chest. I can't help but think that I'm possibly the only girl Jeremy James Cordina has ever refused to kiss.

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