𝐍𝐎 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 | Hwang Hyunjin

*13*

!Disclaimer: sexual abuse !

"And one of these partys I always went to changed my whole life."
I gulped. It wasn't very easy for me to explain.
"I went there with my friends, my girlfriends we always went to parties together, it was just more fun. I should go home with my boyfriend, one of his friends would drive us back home.

It was already very late. We were the last ones there, everyone left.

But my boyfriend, his friend and I were still in the whirlpool.

We all didn't had swimsuits with us, we were in our underwear in there. It wasn't that bad, I didn't had a problem with that, I was just like a bikini. And there were only three people that could see me.

The host was also there.
The host was a senior, his name was Jack. Jack was also in the footballteam with my boyfriend. I think he even was the captain.

At one point, my boyfriend and his friend left, to take some more drinks drinks.

So they went back to the house and Jack and I were alone in this Whirlpool." I stopped to take a deep breath.

After a few moments, I continued explaining.

„We didn't talked much, I didn't really knew what to say, I just looked into the sky and waited.

Jack started making me compliments. He started saying things like 'you are really pretty' and 'I like your eyes' , what was harmless, so I just thanked him.

But then he started commenting about my underwear, he said thing like 'you have a really pretty bra' or 'this slip shows a lot of you beautiful ass'. And that made me feel uncomfortable.

I wanted to get auf of the pool, but he hold my hand.

And then, Jack started pushing me against the pool wall.

He hurt me, but he just didn't cared. And- and than he took off my slip and- and he started raping me." My voice cracked. A tear ran down my cheek. I needed another break before continuing.

„I was so helpless, I couldn't do anything.
I felt so small.
And nobody was there to help me. I waited, until my boyfriend and his friend came back, but they didn't. And I was just so weak." I had to stop again.

Hyunjin came and laid an arm around me. The other arm he laid protective over my head. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

„When he finished - what felt like an eternity - I couldn't move. I was just so shocked and exhausted. This dude took my virginity. And he just left.

I went home. I didn't even bother to put on my clothes or my shoes, I just left.

I didn't wait for my boyfriend, I went home by myself. In my underwear, I was freezing and traumatized.

After that, I didn't went to school for one week.

I didn't told it anyone, not even my mother.

I told her I was sick. I didn't leave my bed for a whole week. I just felt so weak.

But after one week, my boyfriend's friend came to visit me, what surprised me.
I didn't really knew this guy, I talked once or twice with him. But he wanted to tell me something.

He told me, that he and my boyfriend knew, that I was raped. He said, that they already knew it before.

Jack told my boyfriend, that he wanted some alone time with me. And because Jack was his friend, he let him. I don't think it was just because of his friend, I think he was a little bit scared of him.

In the whirlpool, he told his friend, that they needed to leave.

But inside, my boyfriend went to the window and watched us.

His friend was completely shocked when he saw, that Jack was raping me. He wanted to stop Jack, but my boyfriend stopped him.

He didn't knew what to do, he said that he really wanted to help me, but he couldn't. My boyfriend told him, to not tell it anyone, but after one week, his guilt made him come to me.

And after that, my personality completely changed. I started to have trust issues, to anyone. I didn't knew, who I could trust anymore.

And I was so angry at my boyfriend. So I talked with him. And he said, that he was really sorry. I asked him, why he did that and he said it was because Jack is his friend.

He let his friend fuck his girlfriend before he even did. That was just fucked up.

And after that, I told my mom that I wanted to come back to Korea. We immediately moved back.
But back in Seoul, nothing was the same.

It was really hard to make some friends when you can't trust anyone.
I didn't let anyone to me.
I only trust Hani.

She was the only one I knew from my time in elementary school. We were best friends back then.

I started befriending her again. It took some time, but I did it."

Hyunjin said nothing. Hani wasn't the right person to trust, he knew that.

She lied about him multiple times to me.

She saw me and Minwoo, but she didn't do anything. It was the same thing than with my boyfriend.

But Hyunjin didn't wanted to mention that, he knew how broken I was.

He didn't wanted to say it now. I wouldn't take it now. And he didn't even know, if I would believe him.

Hani was my best friend.

"And I felt exactly like this today", I continued talking after a moment of silence.

"I felt so small, because I couldn't do anything. So weak. Exactly the same thing happened", tears started running out of my eyes, again.

Hyunjin hugged me. He held me against his chest.

"No, not excatly the same. I was there", he said to comfort me. I smiled.

"Thank you, Hyunjin."

"You never called me Hyunjin. You always call me by my full name", he said laughing.

I laughed too. "I can call you Hwang Hyunjin, if you want."

"No it's okay, I like Hyunjin better."

There was a silence again. I just enjoyed the warmth of his body, that covers me, that made me feel safe.

"Does Hani know about what happened in Chicago?", he asked carefully.

I shook my head. "I just told it my mom afterwards."

"So I'm special", he asked smiling.

"Yeah and don't make me regret it that I told you."

~~~~~