Sacred Madness

XXIX. Guilt

"Please stay with me," Mark uttered all of a sudden as he pulled up in front of an old house where Gun's grandmother was supposed to be living. "If you want to visit your grandma, its fine with me. But I dont want to be far away from you. I want you close," his facial expression was serious, he took a quick glance at Gun with so much hope.

Gun looked at him with a conflicted thought. He wanted to, good Lord he really wanted to be with the man he loved but Gun knew he would just be a burden to the younger boy, he has been a burden to him for far too long. So its not really a question of whether he wants it or not, but rather, does his conscience allows him or not.

Gun didn't answer him. He stayed silent and proceeded to unlock the door avoiding eye contact. He couldn't bear to look Mark in the eyes because he knew he would just throw all sense of right and wrong just to beg Mark to take him.

Mark and Gun have sat in a long comfortable silence before, but not this time around.

The silence was piercing, and it was suffocating. One was pouring his heart out while the other was trying his hardest to contain his feelings. Mark wanted him to know how much he wanted it to happen, both of them in the same house, living, and breathing the same air but Gun's doubts and insecurities were somehow stronger than his desire to be with the younger boy. And so for a long time, both were just sitting there, staring at nothing, speaking about nothing, and yet their thoughts were filled with everything.

Suddenly, a couple of soft knocks were heard on the window besides Mark and they were quickly brought back to their senses.

"May I help you?" an old lady chirped as soon as the window was rolled down.

"Grandma," Gun bursted out as soon as he recognized the old woman and he quickly got out of the car.

Mark was about to get out as well so he can introduce himself properly to Gun's grandmother but his phone suddenly rang and he saw a message flashing on the screen. Mark opened it and his face immediately turned sour. The message was from the same person who has been pestering him for about a week now and Mark was now getting tired of it. He had told him to come out and settle this like a real man for once but the bastard doesnt even reply back. And now he's giving Mark an ultimatum to return Gun to the facility like his boyfriend was just some kind of defective object that needs to be returned. Mark sent a quick FUCK YOU all in capslock before putting his phone back in his pocket.

When Mark was out of the car, Gun and his grandmother were already in tears as they continued wrapping each other in a warm embrace. Mark felt like his heart was about to explode because seeing Gun looked so happy and contented has become the highlight of his days.

"Lets get inside my dear, I'll cook whatever you want," the old lady said after breaking away from Gun.

The older boy just nodded and after realizing that Mark was just standing beside them, Gun went to his side. He smiled happily at his grandmother before proudly introducing him to Mark. "Grandma this is Mark".

The old lady smiled warmly at him before patting him on his left arm. "Nice to meet you son but lets go inside now, its cold and dark. Come, come now. I'll cook for you," by the way her voice squeak, one could really tell that she was very delighted.

Coming all the way up this small town where people live a fairly simple life was a new experience for Mark. He totally enjoyed making preparations for their dinner, helping the old lady with little things like chopping the vegetables and making dumplings. They talked about mundane things like the foods that they enjoy, the weather these past few weeks, a little bit of sexual jokes, past experiences and so many other banalities but still, it brought so much joy. But what's more heartwarming about this simple things was doing it with the one you love the most, it was comforting and heartwarming.