𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐑'𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐅𝐄 | 𝐁.𝐃.𝐇✔

Chapter 11

My hands tremble beneath the table, the shortness of breath is doing me no good. Anyone around the table can probably see the trouble in my eyes. Calm your shit. Shortly, I close my eyes and repeat the words more than I and in seconds, balled my hands to release the tension and sighs deeply.

I keep chanting the words in my head, unaware that I started drumming my fingers onto the table quite loudly until I hear my name coming from Billie's mouth as her eyes watches me predatorily. I swallow for some reason, hastily bringing down my hands onto my lap, forces my eyes to shift somewhere else but it bounces back when I hear her excuse herself then call out for me to follow her.

As if my joints has grown rusty and something is pinning me down, I can't bring myself to stand up that is up until she calls out the second time. It's firmer, more demanding than the first. The hair on my body stands up and just like that I bolt up from the seat and follow her to the washroom. My breath hitch my throat when she closed the door and I heard the lock clicked.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Everything paused. Like a movie on the screen and someone hit the pause button. It was suddenly eerily quiet.

Shit. Turning around is no use, her reflection is vivid on the mirror but my heart's pounding calms the moment my eyes perceive the gentleness of her own, that her voice doesn't match her facial expression, that she look too far from being...mad. Billie moves forward, "Turn around," and I comply, "Tell me what's bothering you." It was the softest of her tone that has me melting into her. My arms just go on auto pilot, they flung from sides and onto her body, my head perfectly fitting onto to her chest and under her chin. Billie takes me in her arms with no hesitation and that is when I feel the safest person. That whatever troubles I have, I knew I could work it out because I have her. I feel like even if I haven't heard her say back those same three words, I knew deep down she feels the same for me.

"I have to go home." I mutter against her blouse and when I take a look at it, it's a little damp near the collar of the blouse. I'm not aware those are my tears, she just reach out her hand and wipe my cheeks.

"I ruined your blouse." With apologetic eyes as I stare at her my heart expands at the little laugh and the grin that softly stretches her lips before clicking her tongue. "You did no such thing, darling." Why on earth that would make me want to cry more. "Shh... I've got you, baby." And she starts running her hand on my back tenderly while whispering soothing words "I've got you." All I can do is sniffle and bite my inner cheek.

"Let's go back to the hotel and sort this out." She says kissing the top of my head. From the lack of energy the response she got is a small nod match with lopsided smile. Her next move shocked me. Billie take my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze of assurance as we walk our way back to the booth. As we stand so close to each other, Billie's arm pulls me even closer and perched it around my shoulder. She then gave a false excuse just so we can leave. We're quite lucky that no questions are made.

It's a great wonder how Billie can stay poise, how she can always keep it all together not just herself but others too. When we arrive the first thing she do is hug me so tight, all it does to me is draw my tears out. It pours down like falls cascading down my cheeks, racing to reaching to edge. I know I look ugly when I cry so before my eyes gets sore and my face turns red I stop myself.

Where should I begin? How do I tell her that I'm leaving because I have other responsibilities than myself without actually telling her all the problems that I have. About how my family is financially struggling and my niece is diabetic and is on maintenance. That my sister is no good of a mother obviously and so as the father...

The only thing that keeps me afloat from all this crap is Billie's card, the one she gave me and little extras here and there. "I've to go home. To go back. It's difficult to say why but I really have to, I need to." My voice wavers as I speak. I can't look at her. I feel too emotional. I'm already thinking of how I can pull out my family from this kind of life.

"I'll fix your ticket, drive you to the airport first thing in morning." She says pulling away, to cradle my cheek. I look into her eyes. Her eyes that reveals everything she tries to hide. All the words she's keeping at the back of her throat and most importantly, it shows how genuine her feeling is. It makes my body tremble in sort of good way. The wave chills down my spine and the little flutter in my chest. It all feels good because despite everything I have someone like her.

I wonder if I didn't go clubbing on a school night in which we had exam the next morning but Anna took me forcefully to "Look after her" but turned out I was the one that should be looked after and not her. Then Billie... it happened. Few weeks later the next thing I knew she was knocking at my door offering me big sum of money in exchange for sex. I quite felt offended but it still happened again in my kitchen counter.

It's crazy how I totally forgotten her. Well if you were in my place, who was completely drunk and out of her mind and took a few hits of weeds you wouldn't know everything you've done the morning after. It's like those twelve hours of your life didn't exist. That you just had a black out then you woke up with a massive pain in your head and your body felt like you've fallen from the roof top. The next thing you've got a sugar momma... but Billie isn't a sugar mommy – at least if you asked me. I really don't see her as that person while others may see it that way.

"I'll help you pack in a minute, I really need to get out of this." she then gestures to her outfit. It's not bad, I guess she just feels heavily uncomfortable with how tight her skirt must have been and considering she's been wearing it the whole day.

I nod and give her a smile. Before Billie could struts off my view I found myself running after her and grabbing her hand. "Thank you." It's a mere whisper, I doubt she has heard that. I feel my cheeks aflame form the stares she's giving me. Her hand squeezed mine gently. "I think there's enough space in the shower for two." And yes, by this point I'm sure my whole face is red. "There's always enough space for you anywhere." I say giving her a wink, my free hand travelling up to her blouse pulling it up from being tucked to her skirt. "For you, the space is endless."

In the shower I stand facing the shower head, rinsing off the shampoo. I'm halfway done when the water stop. I still have bubbles on my face and I can't open my eyes. With a cold touch on both sides of my waist I jumped and quickly holding onto Billie's hands. I heard her giggle. She move closer until my back is touching her front. Billie nestle her head to my shoulder, I can feel her breath fanning my skin.

"I know it's never too late for this..." I stay quite waiting for her to continue. I may have or may have not any clue about what she is talking about. So I spin around and whine. She knew I'm not the biggest fan of these teasing games well expect if we are having sex but when to comes to something like this, I don't have even an ounce of patience to play with her.

Something touch my nose, presumably it's her own nose. Even with closed eyes Billie's sly grin is all I can picture. One swift pull and my body's pressed over her then the water came pouring down.

"I love you too."

What?

Briskly, I wipe my face with my hands to get rid of the bubbles and when I'm sure I've gotten rid of them I open my eyes bearing a questionable look. I can't feel my heart beating until she say it again. She smiles down, takes my face in her palms and lean over. Our foreheads are touching.

"I'm in love with you, darl—"

"I love you!" I stand on my toes, wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her. "So much" I manage to say as I still have my lips press to hers. Well at least something still came out good from a stressing day. I have something to hold on to every night before going to sleep.

"I'm so in love with you, Billie."

"I know. I've always known."

"Of course. It's you. There's nothing I can hide with you." A part of me feels guilty. Why did I say that? It's bullshit. I'm lying. But am I really hiding it if I'm just not ready to tell her?

"I will miss you when you leave."

"Huh, you always miss me. What's new?" I say aloud before actually comprehending about it. An eyebrow raise at me. I gnaw on my and kiss her. "We still have some packing to do."

"And after that, I'll be doing you again."

"hmm, sounds fair." I say as I giggle. I don't know if I'll have some good sleep before leaving but I don't care. This time it feels new. Everything is.