Teacher, Not Hero (femPercy Jackson X YJ)

Forty-Three: A List Of Cannots

**Trigger warning for blood and torture**

Percy P.O.V:

I stared at the primordial monster in front of me, his blade to my throat. The subtle fear his words played on sliced into my mind. I cannot think about this right now. I cannot divide my attention. If I thought about anything other than the ax at my neck, I was going to die.

"Come on, little girl. Admit it. Have you told anyone about our fun down there? It was such a good time. You want to come back? Don't you? You know it's just so much easier. No friends to worry about. No quests. Or gods. Or wars. Or death. It's just so simple. And oh gods it felt good, didn't it?" I worked to block out his words. But the slithered through my ears and poisoned my thoughts. I forced my face to remain impartial. I cannot show fear. If I do, I am going to die.

"Have you even told yourself? Gods, it must kill you knowing it. Because deep down, you do know it, little girl. Your big. Bad. Dark. Secret." His hot breath rushed my face in a painful contrast to the frozen wind. I cannot flinch. I cannot waver. And especially cannot think about his words.

"50 glorious years with me, little girl. The beginning was rough, I'll admit. You just refused to give up. In all honesty, it was really quite adorable" As I stared into the void of his face, I could almost imagine he was smiling. I suppressed a shiver.

"But 46 years is a long time. You impressed everyone. You really did. No one expected you could last so long. A lifetime. Really, you should be very proud." The void shifted. "But everyone has their breaking point."

He pulled the blade back from my throat, rising to his full height once again. I cannot relax. I cannot show relief at the removal of his presence.

"Those last 4 years with you, little girl. Oh they were beautiful. You were a natural. Oh I get shivers just thinking about it. The things you did!" I felt my eyes water. Nononononononononono. I cannot break I cannot break I cannot break I cannot break I cannot-

"Come back to me little girl" The voice of the demon, the devil, in front of me pierced through my heart and my mind. I felt myself flash back to my time in Tartarus. The time I am most desperate to forget. The time I wish more than anything I could take back. The time that truly haunts me. Truly breaks me.

--Flashback--

"Come on, little girl. What do you say? You've done it. You've proved your heart of gold. But you're going to be here forever, little girl. Do really want this forever?"

I was hanging on the rack. The day was done. Magic was what kept me alive. As it did everyday.

I looked down at what used to be my body. Pain ravaged through me. I was so tired. I was so, so tired.

It hurt and it was cold and oh my gods it hurtithurtuthurtithurtithurtithurtithurtithurtit-

I repressed a scream. My skin was peeled back on my arms and my legs and my face.

I was burned.

And cut.

And poisoned.

And stabbed.

And whipped.

I looked at the iron stakes driven through my stomach.

My hands and my feet had been sawed off.

Blood covered the floor and my. My entire body was slick with red.

It hurt.

I was going to do this forever. 

My friends have moved on. It's been years here. Everyone I know is either alive and happy or dead and in Elysium. The war is over. He showed me.

They won.

They're fine and happy and okay and I'm here.

The gods can't save me.

My friends have forgotten me.

My mother has moved on.

I am alone.

And I am in pain.

"Okay." My voice felt weak as I surrendered. I gave up. I cannot. I cannot do it anymore.

I am broken.

My heart broke as my body was repaired, only a few scars staying on my body. This was the first time I had been fully healed here. Most of the time I was just brought back to be whole again.

The pain lessened.

My mind cleared.

I got to sleep.

I got to eat.

And in the morning. When I was dragged to the rack.

I was not the one on it.

And deep down. I know that he is right.

For 4 years. I was the torturer. And I liked it.

You can imagine my utter devastation when I was pulled from the ground by a 16 year old Jason Grace in the middle of the Second Giant War.