Karsyn Sekai Miller
"How many brothers fell victim to the streets? Rest in peace, young nigga, there's a heaven for a G." - Tupac Shakur
Today was the day of Dimitri's funeral and I was purposely moving slowly because I wasn't ready, I hadn't even gone with his family to see his body, I did not want to see him in a casket. As I put on my shoes, my phone rang. It was Kristian. I answered and put it on speaker.
"You have a collect call from Kristian...." before the automated voice could continue, I tapped my screen to accept the call.
"Hello?" I said, barely above a whisper. I loved both of my brothers equally but I needed Kristian, we were just a little bit closer than me and Karter.
"Sekai, I am so sorry. I been trying to call you since I found out."
I weeped at the sound of my brothers voice. "I want you home."
"I know." His voice lowered and I knew that me crying was affecting him. "I promise when I come home, I'm not leaving you no more. I promise, alright?"
"Okay." I hiccuped.
"I love you Sekai and I want you to continue to be strong, you hear me?"
"I love you too. I have to go, Genesis is here. Can you call me tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I'll call you tomorrow around 12."
I told him okay and hung up the phone.
"Aw, Pooh." Genesis pouted, handing me a Kleenex.
I wiped my eyes with one and blew my nose with the other. I discarded the tissue and went to wash my hands.
"Alright. Let's go."
Arriving at the Church, there were a lot of people, many of them had a picture of Dimitri plastered on their t-shirt.
Genesis parked and we got out, walking hand-in-hand. A few people spoke to me on the way in and although I didn't want to talk, I politely spoke back. Everything became a blur as we made our way down the aisle. I couldn't stomach seeing him, so we went to our straight seat the service soon started.
"We'll now have some words from Dimitri's girlfriend, Ms.Karsyn Miller." The Pastor motioned for me to come up to the podium.
Standing up, I pulled my dress down and pushed the oversized glasses up on my face. I grabbed Genesis's hand, wanting her to accompany me. It seemed like I was moving in slow motion before I finally made it up to the stand.
I adjusted the microphone, clearing my throat, I scanned the room, mentally taking note of people who I knew didn't like Dimitri and vice versa.
"I'm Karsyn, most of ya'll probably know me as 'Syn. First, The family and I would like to thank all of ya'll for coming to celebrate the life of Dimitri." My voice began to crack. Genesis rubbed my back, while whispering words of encouragement.
"Whew." I looked up, trying to fight back tears. I was hurt that I had to do this, I wished things had been different, I wished that I could have fought harder to get Dimitri out of the streets. I wish that I could have gone back to that night and stayed with him so he wouldn't have gone out, and maybe he would have still been here. But I couldn't blame myself... I wouldn't blame myself.
"I, uh, I've known Dimitri since I was 13 and from the time we met, we were inseparable and the fact that I'm having to continue the rest of our journey alone is what hurts me the most. Just like the rest of us, Dimitri was fighting his own demons but despite the image that was portrayed to the public, I was able to witness Dimitri, the son, the brother, the uncle and the lover." I wanted to push the negatives to the side and speak on the good side.
"Dimitri was a protector and provider at heart. That was taken from us." I had so much more to say but I decided to wrap it up.
"To Mama Dena, Dylan, Elijah, and Tristian, I love y'all and I promise to be here whenever you need me. And to my first love, Dimitri, you'll forever live in my heart..."
I went back to my seat, laying my head on Genesis' shoulder, I zoned out through the rest of the service.
Later that day, I was laying in Dimitri's old bed. So many memories had been made in this room.
"I love you 'Syn." Dimitri said randomly.
Furrowing my brows in confusion, I continued to do my homework. That had caught me off guard.
"Yo, you heard me?" He asked, after a few minutes had gone by.
"Huh? No, what did you say?" I put my pen in my book to hold my place and closed it.
"I love you 'Syn." He repeated. "Shit has been way better with you in my corner. I appreciate you."
"Forreal?" I smirked. Dimitri never expressed his feelings, he thought it meant that he was "weak". I hated it.
He grinned, his dimples sinking into his cheeks. "Yeah man."
"I love you too Dimitri."
"Hey Ladybug. You feeling ok?" Ms. Dena came into the room with a box in her hand.
I moved over so she could sit on the bed. "Not really." I shrugged. "You?"
She shook her head. "I tried to tell my son to get on the right path. We all did. I'm upset because no parent wants to bury their child but sadly, I knew this day would eventually come. But I only came in here to give you this, Dimitri told me that he wanted you to have it." She sat the box on the bed. "I'll let you open it in peace. When you're done, please comes and join us."
She left out, shutting the door behind her. I propped myself up and pulled the box closer to me. I used my car key to puncture the tape. Ripping it open, there was a small red security box with a piece of paper taped to the top.
Digging into the box, I pulled the safe out. I carefully pulled the piece of paper off without ripping it and read the note. It was a combination. 0903. My birthday.
I put the numbers in and removed the lock.
There was a large wad of cash, his favorite necklace, and a few other items. A small sticky note was sticking out.
'Syn,
It may not be a lot but take this and follow your dreams. I love you 4 life - D.
I smiled small. I thumbed the gold necklace with a small cross pendant. I didn't want to put it on, out of fear of breaking or losing it. But I did before locking the box back up and pushing it under the bed. There were a lot of people in the house and the last thing I needed was for someone to stumble across it.
I straightened myself up before going downstairs and into the backyard. It was a whole party going on as Trick Daddy's "Thug Holiday" played loudly from the speakers. Dimitri's friends were all together, singing the lyrics loudly. The song then changed to "Life Goes On" by Tupac and everyone, from his aunts and uncles to his mama got hype and started to rap along.
It was gloomy outside, fitting my mood but I was happy to see all of Dimitri's friends and family come together for him. I wasn't sure how I'd get through this but I was strong and I knew that I'd make it.
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Once I see that people are starting to enjoy this book, the chapters will get longer! But I'm enjoying writing this already. Thanks for Reading 💙
