Cry Until You Bleed

8- Goodbyes

"I can't believe that you're leaving," Renée whines on Sunday as we're all sitting outside at one of the picnic tables on the patio. "We're going to miss you so much, Johnny."

"Don't sound so happy for me," He jokes with a small laugh, flipping his hair out of his face.

"We are happy for you," Mia assures him with an encouraging smile. "It's just that we're going to miss you so much."

"Well, don't worry yet, alright? We still have a full week before I'm leaving, so just don't think about it right now," Johnny tells them with a small shrug. "And even when I'm gone, I'll like, send letters and stuff and you can call and we'll stay in touch."

"I know, but we've been the Three Musketeers for so long and... I mean, you were the one who welcomed me here when I was terrified of everything and you were just always there for me and I just don't know how we're going to get on around here without you, Johnny," Renée sniffles, obviously really upset about Johnny's newly announced freedom.

"Ana's here now, she can take my place as the third musketeer," He tells her. "I promise, Renée, it'll be okay. I'm not just going to abandon you guys- maybe I can even come visit sometimes or something. And when you get out, we'll hang out all of the time just like we do in here only it'll be ten times more awesome."

"Don't pretend like I'm getting out anytime soon," She mumbles, rolling her eyes before she stands up, her hands shaking and her eyes turning red.

"Where are you going?" Mia wonders with a worried frown.

"I'm just going on a walk," Renée says quietly before she sniffles, wipes tears from her eyes, and then hurries inside. Mia stands to her feet and quickly follows behind her, leaving me alone with Johnny outside.

"She's taking it well," Johnny sighs, leaning forward with his elbows resting on the wooden table in front of him.

"She just needs some time to adjust to the idea," I assure him and it feels odd for me to have to be assuring to somebody else because usually, it's the other way around with people trying to assure me- to make me feel better. "But I'm sure that she really is happy for you."

"I know she is," He nods. "I just feel bad, leaving them here and everything. She's an amazing girl, she's just very dependent. Even if I wanted to, it's not like I could stay here anyway."

"It'll be okay," I tell him, trying my best to be comforting although, I'm sure that I suck at it because I have no idea how to be comforting at all. "I know I don't know you guys very well, but I have a feeling that it'll work out. I'm afraid that I won't be much help though."

"What do you mean?" He wonders, cocking his head to the side curiously.

I shrug and start chewing on my bottom lip. "I just mean that I'm not a very good person for giving advice or really being a friend or anything. I'm just kind of here but I'm not incredibly useful."

"You put yourself down too much," Johnny tells me. "You're pretty great. It really does kind of suck that we didn't get to know each other better before my departure."

"If only I tried to kill myself sooner," I joke, even though we both know that it's nothing to joke about and he sends me a disapproving frown for my ill-mannered joke. "See? I told you. I'm terrible with sincerity."

"You'll do fine," He assures me with a nod. "Like I said, you put yourself down too much."

"Right," I let out a long sigh, hoping that he's right- that even without Johnny here that I can fit in. Renée and Mia are really awesome, I just felt like I got along really well with Johnny but without him here, I worry that I'll just flounder in the social complexity of the rehab center.