Cry Until You Bleed

16- Fireworks

*Extra update because it's Lie Until You Laugh's first birthday aww*

“So your family is actually flying all the way across the country to see you?” A girl in my honesty circle wonders with wide eyes after Jake had basically forced me to give them my input on my weekend plans.

I awkwardly chew on my lips and then nod, not understanding the big deal with what I had just said. “Um. Yeah. I haven’t seen them in a while.”

“I haven’t seen my family in fourteen months but I’m not boo-hooing about it,” She mumbles and I can’t tell if she’s irritated at me or just jealous. She’s actually probably irritated because she’s jealous but it’s not my fault that her family doesn’t come see her. I don’t see why she should be angry with me at all. “And they live in Texas.”

“I’m sorry?” I mutter, confused as to what I should say now. “I don’t think that I’m ‘boo-hooing’ about anything either. He asked me what I was doing and I just said that my family was coming to visit.”

“Lydia, I think that you’re more upset with your family than you are with Ana’s situation. You’re redirecting your anger when you should be addressing it. Have you asked your family to come visit?” Jake wonders and then, luckily, everybody’s attention goes to the fuming girl who is sitting on the other side of the circle, right beside Shayla.

“Yeah,” She sighs, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. “My parents can’t even look at me without remembering that I almost killed my mom and little sister when I was driving to a restaurant with them in the car and I had a panic attack, driving us off of the road.”

“It’s important that you maintain open communication in your family, even if it may seem impossible at times,” Jake informs her with a firm nod. “Ana, since you’re on the other end of this, do you feel that your family feels comfortable talking to you?”

Disappointed that I’m not out of the woods yet with this questionnaire, I just shrug and think of a quick and painless way to end this conversation for myself. “I don’t know. The only person I’ve ever tried to kill is myself. My mom kind of hates me, I guess. I think that she still thinks that I’m faking it for attention. But other than her, I tell my brother pretty much everything and I tell my dad most things. So yeah, I guess so.”

“Does anybody else feel like at least one person from their family blames you for your illnesses?” Jake asks, looking around the group. About half of the patients raise their hands, which I find to be very sad because family isn’t supposed to do that to you, they are supposed to help you get through whatever it is that you’re going through, not make it worse.

“I haven’t talked to my dad in years,” One of the guys in the group says, feeling obliged to now tell everybody his sob story which isn’t something that I understand. It isn’t anybody’s business- it isn’t mine or Jake’s or Lydia’s or anybody’s- so why does he feel like he should tell us? Does it make him feel better about his situation? That makes no sense but I guess we all heal in different ways. To me, talking about my sob story wouldn’t solve anything- it would make things ten times worse. “He left when I tried to put a bullet through my skull. Just ditched town, left my mom, everything.”

The rest of honesty circle goes on like that, everybody starts telling everybody else about their home life. Some people have it good and other people tell us how they’ve gotten the crap beat out of them by the hand of one of their parents. I think I’m on the good side of the scale considering my dad loves me and my mom… well, she loves me too so I should be grateful for that much. She just doesn’t talk to me that much because she’s just so embarrassed of me. It sucks but hearing all of these stories, I realize that as far as parental figures go, I really do have it good.