✓ X1 Stories

a guide to giving up 「c.jh」

important note: If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.  Trained advocates are available 24/7 to take your call. 

Junho

I'm an introverted person. I hate crowded places. I hate people. I hate almost everything.

Yes, I have friends. They are kind and funny, that's why the introvert me is fading slowly.

I'm a kid that holds a lot of secrets. Everyone sees me as a robot, heartless and emotionless. But I am a human too. I have a heart and emotions. It's just, I can't trust people.

If they saw you being bubbly or so soft, they would abuse it again and again. They would take advantage of you.

There is a reason why I am a robot wannabe. I was a victim before.

First, victim of bullying. Yes, i am being bullied before. Before, I was chubby, my hairstyle looked like half a coconut shell, wearing glasses and more. I'm a nerd actually. Everyone doesn't like being friends with me. I don't mind if they don't want to.

But they started making fun of me. Calling me ugly fat nerd, pig, weirdo and more. I'm just ignoring them because I think that someday, they will get tired of bullying me and they will stop. But I was wrong.

One day, when I was walking in the hallway all by myself, someone just threw me raw eggs. Not once, not twice but many times. I continue walking, not minding them throwing me raw eggs. But someone just pushed me, causing me to fall on the cold floor.

They form a circle, and I'm inside, at the center. Before I got up, someone poured me flour and water. They laughed and laughed, holding their tummies. A random girl just sang 'Happy Birthday.' And everyone followed it. Actually, it was my birthday. 9th of July. I was fifteen at that time.

Second, victims of manipulation. I got manipulated in our class. I'm always leading the rank. But it changes when my classmate, Amor, suddenly leads the rank. She was not genius, actually she's dumb. She didn't even know nouns and pronouns. Always mute in every oral recitation and quizzes.

I saw her, copying Bella's answers. As in, all of her answers. From the fill in the blanks to the essays. She almost copy Bella's name, of course she's dumb right?

She was a Queen Bee on our campus. Famous and rich, she has a lot of followers.

Amor even accused me of cheating for years, that's why I'm always at the top. But it's not true. I am studying hard, always learning. I tried to speak up, but they closed their ears on me. Thus, they listen to her lies.

I got kicked out on that school. I can't believe that they stand up to that liar. Oh wait, i remember. Amor's family is hella rich. They probably paid the teachers, my classmates, even the principal. They don't believe on me. Because i'm ugly and poor.

Lastly, my Father is always beating me up. He is always hurting me and my older sister. My Mother left us when I was very young. Maybe two or three years old? I don't know. I don't even know what she looks like.

One night, as i'm busy studying in the living room, I heard a loud tud and a shout. I know it's my Father, drunk again and again. He went upstairs.

Hot tears started falling onto my cheeks. My fists are clenched and my teeth are gritting. I heard moans, cries and laughter in my sister's room. He's doing it again. I'm so disgusted but I'm not surprised.

He's been rㅡpㅡng my sister for five years, yes that long. Sometimes, he's doing it infront of me. I can't do anything but cry. Once, I tried to stop him but he threatened me that he would kill my sister and me. He has a gun and I don't know where on earth he got those.

I am mute for five years. I'm scared that my father will kill me and my sister. And my sister chose to silence me.

I didn't take it too long. I leave the house and I go to the nearest police station. I told them what's happening inside our house. They immediately take action on these. The chief told me that they will arrest my father tomorrow, early in the morning. I asked why. He answered that if they arrest my father today, there's a big chance that he can escape. Just act like I didn't go there so that he wouldn't notice, he added.

I quickly went back. As I sat on the sofa, my father left the room, wearing a victory smile on his face. If only I could smack his face...

Early in the morning, the police came with the chief. They knock and I open the door. I told them where my father is. He almost escaped, good thing another police caught him. As they handcuffed him, he looked at me, vein popping out and he realized I did all of this.

We found out that my father is a drug addict too. Maybe this is the reason why my mother left us. But why did she let us suffer like this?

Yes, we got justice for my sister. I can't explain how happy I was at that time. I rushed to our home, my smile is a mile wide. I really can't wait to tell my sister the good news.

As I went up to her room, my smile faded. My heart beats so fast, hands trembling. She killed herself. I noticed a sticky note on her dress. I took and read it. It says,

'I know we will get the justice we deserve. but i'm sorry if i leave without saying goodbye to you like how mom left us. thank you so much chacha, thank you for being my brother, my hero, and my best friend. Noona is so sorry because I am too cowardly and scared to face reality. so I ended up killing myself. please stay strong from now on, don't give up. noona loves you so much, bear that on your mind...'

My lip trembled. And my eyes burned as I tried to keep my tears at bay. The only person I adore left me too. I found out that my sister is pregnant, because of the pregnancy test I found in the trash can. Of course my father is the father. That's why she killed herself.

After that incident, I moved to Seoul all by myself. My sister has a lot of money in her bank account. Probably she's saving her allowance for us, so that we can leave here in Gwangju and move to Seoul.

And now, I am happy with my new life. Trying to forget what happened in the past. I am kinda still introvert but i have true friends that i could lean on. Son Dongpyo, Kang Minhee, Lee Eunsang, Song Hyeongjun and Nam Dohyon. They are now my new home, my family.

All I learned in my past is that we need to learn how to fight back. Don't let them take over and ruin our lives.

Speak up, don't be mute. Sometimes, we lose in a battle because God has a plan. Don't take revenge on them. Let them realize what they did wrong.

And lastly, don't be afraid to tell them the truth. If you think no one believes that you're telling the whole truth, just remember, God is listening to you.

Don't give up. As long as we're alive and breathing, there's hope, there's a miracle. We don't know what our future holds, so be happy and be nice to everyone. Even though they are bad, show them kindness. It's better to give, than to receive.

—

ɴᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴇᴅ ᴀ ʟᴇssᴏɴ.