Peter Lokison and his father

Depressed? (ch 13)

Warning: suicidal thoughts, bullying, I suggest if not comfortable with these topics, you skip this chapter. This was just a way to express my feeling in my writing but this chapter is just a fuller chapter and is not important to the story. Please remember that there is always someone that loves you and you deserve to live and be happy.

Peter POV:

It was a cold and stormy morning, I opened my eyes and already knew today was going to be a bad day. I closed my eyes, I just want to stay in bed, I said in my head. I forced myself out of bed and walked in front of my mirror. My eyes scanned over the figure who stared back.

I focused on my hair as the voices got louder in my head, You don't deserve to have dad's hair color! The voices repeated as I stared blankly at the mirror, showing no emotion. You are such a disappointment! This is why May hated you Peter! You don't deserve Loki's love or affection. You don't deserve anything! The voices screamed in my head and a slight tear rolled down my check as I continued to stare emotionless in the mirror.

GOSH Peter! You are so pathetic! You are only a little scrawny nobody who deserves all the pain and suffering the world has to offer! Loki doesn't show you but we all know he wished for a better son than you. Another tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it off with the sleeve of my shirt.

I smiled brightly in the mirror and whispered, "I'm fine." to myself as those two words repeated over and over again in my head. I looked away from the mirror and turned into my human form.

I walked over to my dresser, still smiling and took off my blue hoodie. I looked down at the burn scars on my arm, I deserve those. I quickly changed into a black T-shirt with a pair of grey joggers and put a white jacket covering my arms.

I walked back to my mirror and looked at myself smiling. "Today will be fine, just keep your head down and don't talk to anyone." I said talking to myself, and try not to be more of a burden than you already are, said a little voice in the back of my head and I smiled brighter.

I turned and walked out of my door and down the hallway, walking down the stairs leading to the kitchen. I repeated 'I'm fine' in my head but really I wanted to stay in bed and just cry myself to sleep.

When I made it to the bottom of the steps, I saw dad reading a book, seated on a chair that connected to the living room. He was eating breakfast and looked up and smiled as I entered the room.

"Morning Petyr, I made breakfast for you already. I was going to go meditate but decided to wait for you." Loki said smiling brightly and I smiled back. I was faking everything.

"Oh- thanks dad! I really appreciate it." I said walking to the plate and sitting down close to my father to start eating. I was just going to throw it up later. if you had just hurried up, dad would've been able to meditate. It's all your fault. A new voice screamed.

When I was finished I quickly thanked my father and ran to the front door with a fake smile. Before opening the door, I closed my eyes and felt a tear run down my face. I reopened my eyes and smiled my best genuine smile and wiped to tear off.

I picked my backpack up and opening the door to start walking out.

It was cold and windy, although I didn't mind the cold, the cloudy sky gave a depressing look. I walked down the streets of New York with my hands shoved into my pockets and kept my head down. I managed to avoid walking into people and embarrassing myself.

When I arrived at school, I looked up at the school and allowed a small tear to run down my cheek but quickly wiping it away before anyone could notice. I put on my fakest smile and entered the school keeping my head down and hands in my pockets.