Taming the Street Racer ✔️

11 | they love me not

The next day, the three of us watch Jennifer's Body and Black Mirror while finishing off the leftover pizza. I suggest we go to the mall later, desperate to stay away from my house for as long as possible, but Violet and Peyton tell me that their soccer team has an away game tonight. It starts at 8pm and they have to stay overnight.

Peyton says her parents probably wouldn't mind if I slept in her room that night but I decline, telling myself that I have to face my parents eventually. Violet and Pey drop me off at 6pm and head to their game, an hour away.

I stand in my large driveway for a second, watching them drive away until Violet's Mercedes turns the corner. Looking down at the bricked driveway that my dad lovingly power washes every weekend, I am reminded of all the times I've scraped my knee or elbow or head on this driveway. I remember neither parent coming to help as I cried out for them, only yelling at me to shut up and stop bothering the neighbors.

I remember pouring alcohol over my own wounds and putting bandaids over my own scrapes and cuts. I remember placing my own kisses over my wounds, telling myself that 'boo-boo kisses' worked even if they didn't come from your mom.

With a shaky breath, I walk up to the front door.

I enter silently and go up to my room to peel of my clothes, relishing the feeling of clipping off my bra, changing into a fitted green tank top and a clean pair of black leggings. After washing my face, I stare at myself in the mirror, silently motivating myself to go downstairs.

Their heads snap up from the breakfast nook when I walk in, a startled look on their faces. I stare at them, daring them to speak.

"River, sit down," my mother says, gesturing in front of them. Her voice is sickly sweet, a smile plastered on her thin face. I bet this is really hard for her, pretending to feel bad about what she did.

I sit down on a stool by the island, my first act of defiance toward them. My dad sighs when I do, rubbing his eyebrows with his hand roughly. "River, we need to talk."

"So talk," I say, coldly.

My mother puts her hand over my father's, as if calming him down. This pisses me off even more.

"So what's his name, mom? The dude you let fuck you? He tall? Good-looking?" I say, moving my eyes between them, feigning interest. My dad slams his fist on the table.

"Young lady, that's no way to talk to your pare--"

"My parents? Wow, you guys really know when to use that card. God, do you know how much it fucking sucks to have your own parents act like you're just some type of parasite in their lives? Don't start with this parent bullshit because you lost that right a long time ago," I sneer at them. "You may feed me and put a roof over my head, but you sure as hell don't act like parents."

My parents are silent for a second. "We have no idea that you're talking about, River. We've given you everything."

They have those looks on their faces. The perfectly poised, blank expressions that remind me of everything I lost as a child.

"Yeah, sure," I laugh. "You've given me night after night alone in this house when I was a little girl, after giving me a hundred bucks and jetting off to some high-class social event several states away. Hours and hours at the soccer field because you were too 'caught up with friends' to remember to pick me up." I collect myself for a second, holding back tears. "Whatever, go on with whatever bullshit you were gonna say."

They look relieved for a second, thankful I'd stopped ranting so they could move on with their own agenda. Without even acknowledging what I'd just said, my dad goes back to what he was saying. "Your mother and I have decided to forgive you for what you said the other night. We know you were upset over what you heard. But we have some news that will make you feel a lot better."

I shrug my shoulders, too emotionally fatigued to even laugh at their 'forgiveness'. They look at each other, sharing a deep look, then turn to me smiling. "Your mother and I are going to make this work. Last night, I lost control a bit, but that's only because this problem has been going on for a while. This is the end. We love you and each other too much to break this family up. So why don't we just put this all behind us?"

I feel like I'm going crazy. I stand up, hovering over them angrily. "What do you mean 'this has been going on for too long'? You mean you knew about this before and didn't tell me? You didn't think I had a right to know? Wow, woow, this is fucked up, even for you guys."

"It was none of your concern," my father says, his tone slipping.

"Nothing is ever my concern, apparently! I'm just a result of your condom breaking and you've both tried to forget my existence ever since. Don't go on about how much you love me and this family because we all know that's bullshit. You just can't stand the thought of your picture-perfect family falling apart and are willing to lie to everyone, including your own fucking daughter, to keep your dirty little secret under wraps," I yell, not able to hold back the tears anymore.

"I bet you never even would have told me if I didn't walk in on you yesterday. You would have kept me in the dark about this whole thing, still sitting on your high horses and blowing up every single one of my mistakes like it's the end of the fucking world. You guys would have made me feel like the crazy one here, just like you've done for the past eighteen years!"

My mom opens her mouth to speak but I beat her to it. "I've worked so hard to please you guys, to make you proud of having me as a daughter. I work my ass off in school, at soccer, I fucking volunteered at a pound last summer, for fuck sake! You never fucking cared, never even noticed the way I pined for your attention. All I got was money and orders to take care of myself while you guys lived your own lives, without me."

I wipe my face with my hand, hard, turning around so they couldn't see me breaking down.

"Well, it's not like you're the perfect fucking child, River. Look at what you're wearing; you look like a whore. And I know you stole my credit card and used it to buy dinner. You know, I could have you arrested for that," my dad sneers. "And maybe I will, just to prove to you how fucking nice we've been to you your whole life. I can be as mean as you want me to be, River."

I laugh loudly, pulling my hair in frustration. I feel like my mind is pulsing, trying to comprehend what they're saying, how they're turning this around just like they always do. I need to get out of here.

"Fucking do it, dad. If you do, I'll be making a stop at the country club. And I got a whole lot to say to your little friends over there," I threaten, stopping them dead in their tracks. They freeze, watching terrified as I dangle their precious reputations over a fire. It's nice, this change power reversal. It feels nice making them feel helpless for once.

"That's what I thought, dear parents," I say, already leaving. I grab my keys and my phone from the hallway table and leave out the front door, slamming it as hard as possible behind me. The door shudders on its hinges, the glass window vibrating. As much as I pray that it shatters, it doesn't.

I slide into my car, twisting the keys in the ignition and reversing out of the driveway. As I press my foot to the gas and peel down the quiet, suburban streets, I realize I forgot to put on shoes. My bare, pink-painted toes stare up at me from the floor and I cuss, realizing I can't go to a coffee shop or to the soccer field like I'd planned.

Vi and Pey are long gone, probably already at their soccer game.

I'm also not wearing a bra. Lucky me.

I stop at a stop sign and sit for a second, pulling out my phone and looking through my text messages. My finger hovers over the most recent one, the 'hi' I sent from Grayson's phone to mine. It'd almost slipped my mind that I had his number. I have Grayson Maddox's number, holy fucking shit.

I say 'fuck it' and tap the screen.