Young and Free | BTS [√]

juu nana

After a long, long shower Namjoon came out of the washroom scuffing a towel on his brunette hair.

It had been some time since he was not reeking of cigarettes. Namjoon could sense the fresh aroma of shampoo and bathing soap washing over him, his eyes stinging, the skin on his fingertips crinkling for stepping in the shower too long.

Last night he had not touched the packet of Marlboros.

It was sitting there on his studying table, unscathed. Namjoon couldn't help but bite on the nail of his thumb while he stared at it. And then he rotated his head around in circles, only to meet books strewn here and there, his bed unkempt and piles of novels scattered there, the bedside table dusted with ashes, his whole room, stained with ashes.

He smelled good but his room didn't. It was holding a past of him lying there doing nothing but smoking and reading for the last days.

Heaving an exasperated sigh Namjoon fixed on working on his bed first. Right after taking a step toward it he stepped back, turned to his study table and he picked up the packet of cigarettes.

Then he threw it onto the dustbin next to the table.

What if he got the urge to smoke again tonight? What if he could not help but leave the dorm when it was close to midnight only to buy a new pack?

The thoughts started to shroud around his brain but he shook it off.

He knew if he did not stop now he would become a chain smoker soon enough.

That was not going to solve his problems. It would give him a momentary phase of relief but his numbed thoughts would start to unfreeze again and they'd keep piling up inside his brain.

No matter how many times Namjoon had found himself slipping away, he picked himself up. Maybe not so strongly, maybe not so wholly.

It always hurt. Nonetheless, Namjoon knew he had himself.

Stars would always appear to brighten the night sky. If Namjoon did not have a star in his sky he would rather make one himself.

There was a newfound confidence in him after the revelation on the dorm's rooftop last night. Before the confidence too would become volatile and evaporate like that, Namjoon used it the best way possible.

He cleaned his room, though it wasn't an all and all success, the stains of cigarettes and coffee were practically stuck to the fabric of his bed so he decided to change the sheet to get over with it, only to realize the coffee stain had made its way onto the mattress beneath as well.

He tried to arrange the books too but there were so many he did not where to put them all. He tried, at least.

After all that he sat on his now kempt bed and decided to call his professor to make an appointment next day about the Masters application overseas.