What You Caused

02.

Chapter 2 | Backround

Isabella:

You would think that after 6 years and being in another country, the closeness you would have with your childhood friends would be long gone.

However, that was not the case for Grace, Mia and I.

We were practically sisters, our moms had been best friends all throughout high school and college and got pregnant with us all at the same time, which to be honest, I think is super weird but as odd as it sounds, it basically bound our trio together since birth.

We've been though everything together from first kisses to first periods, even despite the fact I was hundreds of miles away (thank God for facetime and social media) and our friendship has not wavered at all over the years, not even a single bit.

Growing up, my house was probably where our childhood escapades happened the most. It was possibly due to the fact I had no siblings at the time to bother us, (unlike Mia's two brothers who used to constantly pull pranks on us and Grace's baby sister who always cried when we didn't include her in things), and the fact I had the biggest backyard with the treehouse.

Also, because of this, my neighbour Lucas and his two best friends Aidan and Dylan, joined in on many of our trio's rendezvous. Dylan was extroverted with dirty blonde hair with blue eyes, he had the cutest smile and the sweetest personality. Aidan was pretty much the opposite of Dylan; introverted and tall with dark skin and chocolate brown eyes. He was hilarious, always cracking jokes and making us laugh and secretly had the hots for Grace.

And then there was Lucas.

Lucas was the tallest one out their trio, with long, lanky limbs and mop of unruly hair. He had two set dimples in his cheeks which I always wanted to poke whenever he flashed me that mega-watt smile of his that also made me melt. He was cocky even at 10 years old, but not arrogant. He was soft spoken and kind (well I guess kind for most of the time) and he was my first love. I think that's why when he would tease me, I always took his words to heart, because coming from him they actually meant something to me.

When I think back to the tormenting, I don't actually think it was as bad as I always made it out to be. The stuff he would say would always be subtle, like for instance when I would ask for another slice of cake for desert he would make a joke or remark about that. Or when he would squish my cheeks and poke my stomach and tell me I'm 'squishy'. Or when he gave me the nickname 'Belly', which was a play on my name, Isabella, and a pun on the fact I was on the podgier side.

To be fair, the stuff he did could just be seen as mindless teasing or just plain joking around, which is probably what it actually was. But it was the fact that what he said came from him.

I liked Lucas, which meant I obviously wanted to impress him and him making jabs at my appearance just caused me to feel as if I wasn't enough for him and that there was no way he could ever like me back.

I also resented the fact that because of this joking around, it brought me to awareness that I looked different than other girls. Out of our trio, I was the shortest and the pudgiest, Mia was slightly taller than me but still was very petite and Grace was model tall and thin. Compared to the other girls in our grade I was also the biggest. Some of the girls in my school, even at such a young age, could've been models - some literally were (there were about a handful of girls in my class who modelled for the target back to school ad). But I, on the other hand, was tiny and stubby with a very unflattering hair cut.

Lucas's teasing caused me to wonder about my weight and if I was too heavy or too ugly, which is something that no 8 year old should ever be thinking about. As I grew older, my weight became an obsession. I was obsessed with the food I ate and how I looked and how much the number on the scale was, and that spiralled into me not eating at all some days which then caused me to end up in hospital after I collapsed at school when I was 13.

My diagnosis with anorexia triggered fights between my parents. They both blamed each other for not noticing how sickly thin I was becoming and how fucked up my mental health was and that in turn led to more arguments over the years and in the end divorce, three years later.

My dad, who became a workaholic after we settled in London, lost custody of me and my baby sister so my mom whisked us back to our hometown in the US.

And here we are.

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AUTHORS NOTE:

Hiii! Sorry this chapter is extremely short but I promise the next chapter will make up for it because it's super long and you finally get to meet my baby Lucas <33

Anyways take care & enjoy! Love you all
- Mai x