fourteen

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if i told you that i loved you tell me, what would you say?
if i told you that i hated you would you go away?

if i told you that i loved you tell me, what would you say?if i told you that i hated you would you go away?

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It was now Friday and after skipping school the previous day, Chiara decides to stay home again. She eventually leaves her bedroom to get food and is greeted by her mom. 

"Oh look who showered!" Selma joked. Usually, when Chiara has breakdowns she'd stay locked up in her room for days without getting out of bed and rarely showering.

"What do you want?" she spat, causing her mother's face to drop. Selma hated fighting with her daughter, especially since she's the only one she has. But she was exhausted of being disrespected by Chiara, everyone was. 

"Chiara I dare you to disrespect me one more time" she threatened which resulted in Chiara laughing. She genuinely didn't care about what anyone said anymore, everything sounded the same to her. Boring.

"Calm down Selma" she snorts scrolling through her phone.

"I'm sorry what the fuck did you say?" One thing Selma always taught her daughter was respect. And even if Chiara didn't respect her, she knew not to call her parents by their first names. It was a slap in the face to her.

"You heard me," she says picking up her car keys and heading towards the door. "and tell Alessandro I might be home late." 

"Where are you going, it's four in the afternoon!" her mother yells but is met with the sound of a slamming door.

Chiara just sits in her car listening to music, not wanting to hear her mother's voice anymore.

She starts dozing off but her phone gets a notification from none other than Dominic.

We need to meet. Now.

And with that, she drives off with a smirk on her face.

———

"So what'd you wanna talk about?" she smiles sitting down on his couch.

"This."

"Which is?" she questions. He was so close to shouting at her, tired of her behavior but calmed himself.

"What am I to you?" he asks. Already knowing what to expect as an answer.

"Well, you're my therapist, fuck friend, and distraction" she shrugs. Dominic scoffs, not surprised by her response but it still hurt him.

"Is that all?"

"I guess... did you want me to say anything else?" she jokes. 

"No, you've said enough. You know you're a hell of a good manipulator" he gets up from the couch, and she follows his action.

Shut up, she says to herself.

"Mariana helped me realize that yesterday, even though I tried denying it, she was right. When Principal Sanchez told me I would be taking care of a newly diagnosed sociopath, I wasn't expecting you. I couldn't believe a woman with your looks would be seen in such ways. And then, we started our sessions and you completely deceived me. You made me believe I did my job of taming you, you made me think I helped you. But you lied. All you fucking do is lie, and you lie as easily as you breathe." he rants.

"Shut up", she whispers trembling.

"That night at the bar, I bet you were so happy to see me beginning to fall apart. You found my weakness and used it against me. You toyed with my emotions and all it did was give you more power over me. You manipulated my emotions and used that body of yours to make me fall for you. You knew what exactly what to say and do in every fucking situation." 

"Shut up", she says louder.

"Do you know how long it took for me to get sober?" he asks. And gets no answer. "That's what I thought. The day you came into my office and saw me wasted when I almost could've hurt you, I felt fucking horrible later on. You don't understand what you do to people and how your actions and words hurt us. Maybe that's why all your friends left you."

"Shut up!", she yells glaring at him. 

"I should have listened and stayed away from you."

"Stop it, please!" she pleaded.

"You're fucking cold-hearted. Is that why you slept with me? Did I make you feel alive?" he said attempting to remain calm.

She didn't answer him, only looking into his eyes with tears in hers.

"Did you need me to warm up your heart? Is that why you wanted to fuck me?" and when she didn't answer once again, his voice roared, "Answer me!"

"YES!" she screamed, mascara filled tears running down her face.

"D-did you ever love me?" he breathed, not sure if he wants to hear the answer.

She let the tears streak her face, not wanting to answer him. 

"Do you have anything else to say?" he sighs, to which she gently shakes her head. Dominic hears sniffling, and if this was a couple of days ago he'd run up and calm her down, but this wasn't the case.

Chiara cries quietly letting his words sink in. Why was he painting me as a monster? Am I crazy? No, I'm not! As these thoughts stormed her head, she wiped her teary eyes.

"If you're not going to say anything, just leave" he goes to the kitchen, leaving her to decide if she should say something or leave.

She left.

———

[mentions of self-harm]

Driving to the supermarket, she couldn't stop thinking about his words. They felt the same as when she'd use a sharp razor blade on her skin. It hurt at first, she liked seeing the blood gush out of her open wounds, but after a while, she felt numb again. Nothing could make her feel. His harsh—but needed— words hurt at first, but Chiara became immune to them. 

The store was primarily empty, which left her alone with her thoughts, something she didn't want at the moment. Her nails tapped against glass bottles of alcohol before randomly taking three out. She didn't have any money on her and noticed the cashier was at the back of the store, so she simply walked out of the store and sat in her car, in an empty parking lot.

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