The Damaged

Chapter Twenty One

Four leads me into his small apartment. It feels as cramped as mine, but at least it's his own. The only room with a door is the bathroom, everything else feels out in the open. Not that different from Abnegation housing.

I sit on the edge of his made bed, careful not to ruin the sheets. It's as uniform as my own; looks like we both hold the same habits.

Four takes the spot beside me, staring down at his hands.

"So" I mumble, glancing at him.

"So" he repeats quietly.

"I don't know how to do this," I sigh.

"If this was a normal Abnegation relationship, I'd just join the volunteer work you'd be doing then wait to be invited for dinner" he groans.

"We have a new normal, Four" I can't help but chuckle. I could picture us back at our old home, to think; even if we did stay, we could've ended up the same way.

"I know" he glances at me then looks back down.

Tired of feeling uncomfortable, I shift my body so I'm facing him and press his pillow against my chest. He replicates but slouches against the headboard.

"We kissed," I start, "more than once."

"I remember" Four grins, staring at something behind me. "Does this make me your-"

"Boyfriend? I don't know" I admit. "Do you want to be?" My cheeks begin to burn.

He's silent for a moment before leaning from the headboard and sets his head a few inches away from mine. "Yes. If you'd have me" he whispers, pushing a loose curl behind my ear.

The pressure in my chest releases; I feel light again. My thoughts from when we first kissed, if he just learned he liked me or if it was all building up, suddenly didn't matter. He wanted to be with me.

"Okay" I choke out. In Abnegation, it felt like a couple would go from friends straight to marriage. In Dauntless, you're able to build a relationship from start to finish. This is all brand new territory, one I have rarely seen within the compound. I once felt embarrassed by public kissing and hand holding more than ten seconds. Now I feel like it's all I want to do. With Four, Tobias.

Four leans his face in and presses his warm lips against mine. His hand snakes to the back of my neck, mine presses against his shoulder. Though we've only kissed a few times, it feels like we're becoming more natural. Like we know each other's movements already, how we mold into one another.

We're like this for a few moments, but something in me tells me to stop before this goes any further. I put my other hand on his shoulder to push him lightly away. His eyes flicker to mine with tension, but go subtle when I run my finger between his eyebrows; outlining the crease.

"We're getting better at that" Four grins, leaning back against the wall. I take the small spot beside him, slouching against the wood and studying the apartment. Smells just like mine; a faint scent of earth.

Our hands lace together while we sit in the comfortable silence. Never did I think that I would become a social worker in Dauntless with Tobias Eaton as my boyfriend. That's such a strange way to refer to him: my "boyfriend". I don't think I'll be able to say it out loud any time soon.

"Four?" I mumble, studying a crack in his kitchen counter.

"Amalia?" He whispers, I feel his eyes on me.

"What are we going to do now?" My tone is quiet, as if someone could be listening in. I can tell he knows I'm not referring to our relationship anymore by the darkness that runs over his face.