Breathe Again

12: Feelings Are Like Yo-yos, Not That Fun

Once the two of them have both showered, they seem to feel they've had enough excitement for the day and Liam insists on a nap. Isaac spends the time watching Liam sleep - in a totally non-creepy way - and trying to read his book although he can't quite focus on the page and his eyes keep wandering, Isaac feels his pulse quicken every time he realises his mind has been distracted. Liam is proving to be an annoyance even when he's fast asleep.

By the time Liam wakes up it's well past lunch and Isaac drags him to a small cafe on the lakefront where the two of them largely fill themselves with scones but also try to plot out a plan for the rest of the day and the rest of the week. It's easy and it's simple and Isaac can't explain the feeling of pure joy that he feels slightly overwhelmed with. Being with Liam is a surefire recipe to make Isaac smile, he's not sure why, but he's not sure he can exactly complain about the situation.

They spend the rest of the afternoon browsing the shops on the lakefront, many of them selling typical touristy fair with pictures of the lakes and the usual guidebooks on offer. Isaac finds himself distracted by a store selling paintings, and Liam offers to buy him a painting of sheep - they just look so sad - until he notices the price tag and then the two of them quickly hurry out of the store.

By the time the two of them are beginning to feel hungry again the sun is hanging low in the sky, and the two of them are feeling rather dead on their feet and so they stumble into the nearest pub, both glad to finally have a seat beneath them and refreshments on offer.

"I don't even care about food," Liam says, but the rumble of his stomach gives him away, "I just need a pint."

"Well luckily for you both are on offer."

"The dream."

Neither of them stare at the menu for long, both too excited for the prospect of food and a drink to allow themselves time to think about it. Isaac feels like he looks at the first thing on the menu and decides that sounds like the most perfect meal imaginable right now, no second thought of what else might be on offer.

"Are you actually going to drink tonight?"

"I might have one or two."

"That's always the way with you," Liam says, Isaac knows he means no harm by the comment but there's just something in the way he says it, "I've never seen you drunk."

"Guess I'm just not a drunk kind of person."

"Everyone is a drunk kind of person, you just don't let yourself be."

"Yeah, well, I have my reasons," Isaac replies.

"I fail to think of any good ones."

"Can we talk about this some other time Liam? I just don't like getting drunk, okay."

Liam falls silent and Isaac is worried his tone was too harsh. It's a touchy subject, with far too many bad memories associated with it, and Liam's insistence on questioning everything, examining it all in such minute detail, is very much not welcome here. Not now, not in this pub, not in this part of the world.

"But you'll have a drink at least?" Liam asks, his tone is even and Isaac knows he's trying to lighten the mood.

This is the way it always is, Isaac is grumpy and Liam tries to make everything more fun. Isaac wonders if this dynamic is sustainable. Or if one of them will tire of the other eventually.

"I'll have one or two," Isaac concedes, "You know I don't mind drinking Liam, I just don't want to be drunk."

Liam rolls his eyes and Isaac chooses to ignore it. They're not having a fight exactly, more a discussion where they're never going to agree, and they've had this more time than Isaac can count. Every party, every trip to the pub together, and Isaac can't say he understands it exactly. He's tried to ask Liam before, has questioned why it's so important to Liam that he gets drunk, but Liam has never been able to provide a satisfactory answer. Isaac supposes it's because of his own stubbornness, if Isaac wasn't so opposed to the idea of getting drunk then Liam likely wouldn't care if he did or not. But instead they're locked in this weird opposition, and neither of them quite knows why.