Infinity||H.S.

Home Sweet Home

"I know I could lie but I'm telling the truth
Wherever I go there's a shadow of you
I know I could try looking for something new
But wherever I go, I'll be looking for you
Some people lie but they're looking for magic
Others are quietly going insane
I feel alive when I'm close to the madness
No easy love could ever make me feel the same"

****

   Holmes Chapel.
11, August 2019

34 days to the wedding.

Noelle

I've put my engagement ring on my finger. Where I can see it every time I look down and where it can remind me I'm about to get married to a wonderful, loving, caring man.

I've put it on my finger after I spent the entire day after the night out laying in bed, completely motionless, to the point Hannah got really worried about my mental sanity - that obviously was missing since I almost kissed Harry.

I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I wanted to shout but I couldn't, all my emotions where coming down on me and I didn't know how to let them out so I just shut the word out and lay still, the entire day, hugging one of the pillows.

Hannah convinced me to not call Thomas and not tell him. There was no harm done in her opinion, and I know nothing really happened, but I felt dirty, awful... A cheater and it messed with my head. Badly.

I went over what happened the night before over and over again, re-thinking about every single word that left my or his mouth, and how I could have ended up almost kissing him.

I could blame the alcohol running in my veins and clouding my better judgement, but the reality was I know I wasn't drunk enough to not know what I was doing.

Re-thinking about his words only made me angry.

I'm in... What?

I knew I was wrong for what I was about to do if someone didn't stop us, but what was his excuse? Did he know a single, stupid, meaningless kiss could have ruined everything for me? It could have jeopardised my enter relationship with Thomas and my wedding. Why did he come so close? Why did he watch me that way? Why knowing I was drunk he didn't stop me? And what about the girl he claims to be so in love with? At this point, I don't think he's even able to love someone besides himself.

I'm in...

Can he? No. Of course not.

That's when I started blaming him. He is selfish, spiteful and clearly doesn't care about anyone but himself or I wouldn't have been in that situation. He was trying to mess with my head again, he was trying to ruin everything for me like he did every time I was happy with someone because he couldn't bear the thought of not being the centre of my word. He just wanted to be the main character in my life because he was used to it and he'd clearly do about anything to get that place back, even make me turn into a cheater.

I'm indisputably trying to ruin your relationship. That's what he was probably trying to say.

Yes, I know it takes two for some things, but blaming him is easier.