𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘 (𝟏𝟖+) √

14

ROSE

September 18th, 2004

Yesterday, an old friend of mine came to visit. I tried to tell him how busy I was getting with the last year of university, and all of the exams I had, and he just wouldn't listen. He wanted to be shown the life of New York parties, and I showed him a house party thrown by one of my classmates. I never should've gone there.

I met the woman of my dreams last night. If I could describe what a goddess would look in my eyes, it was the perfect description of Lilly. My friend, Joseph, saw the way I stared at her. He was the first one to approach her and then left us so we could chat.

Her voice itself was angelic, and her mind was pure. Her long hair was silky, and despite the house being filled with the smell of alcohol, cigarettes and weed, I could smell her vanilla scented shampoo. I was enchanted at first sight and couldn't get her out of my head for the rest of the evening.

She was too studying law, she was just younger than me and we had no mutual friends so it wasn't unusual that we haven't met before. The way she spoke and carried herself gave me a hard on, unlike anything I've ever experienced. Her smile seemed to light up the entire room and it was the most breathtaking view I'd ever seen. Lilly was just perfect.

As the night was about to end, she promised she would search for me and that we would continue our conversation soon. It brought sorrow that she would simply leave.

It brought conflicted feelings in my head, and my heart. What was I supposed to do in a situation like this?

I placed the letter back into the envelope it came from and hid it in the closet of the room.

I woke up at around eight in the morning. As quietly as possible, I went downstairs to grab a sandwich and a cup of tea. Ever since, I haven't left the room. The door was locked and I kept myself busy reading his letters.

The electricity came back on early in the morning and I was relieved that I could finally charge my phone and that I was going to be able to talk to Sam after ages. Tobias went missing when I came back to my room. I heard the door open and close and from the window, I saw him take the car out of the garage and leave. It was still raining heavily, so I hoped he was safe.

After breakfast and tea, I got back to reading where I left off.

November 24th, 2004.

Lilly and I had sex last night. For the past few weeks, we made small chats on campus which didn't lead to anything, since finals are starting. However, she was on my mind all the time, every day, all day long. I needed to get her out of my system and move on with my life, because falling in love with a woman wasn't on my life plan. Not on the plan my father had for me. And with everything that man gave up to raise me, I would rather die than disappoint him.

Lilly was absolutely enchanting. Her skin, her body, her moans. All of it was simply magical. She felt so good while she was wrapped around me, and may Lord forgive me, but it did nothing aside from making me want her even more. The most amazing night of my life was spent with her, and I wanted to take her, have her and cherish her for the rest of my life. She managed to get under my skin so easily, so quickly, and I never saw it coming.

Perhaps, it was my fault. It was sinful for me to even think of engaging in a sexual act with her, let alone committing it. Yet, I did it, and on some level, I had no regrets.

The minute I start to feel shame and regret, the picture of her naked pops in my head, and her face while she was moaning my name was there. I couldn't shake it off, the feeling of needing her more than the oxygen I breathe.