Celebrity Status [1]

38.) Decisions

I wish I could say that I was strong and that I didn’t let the break up affect me that much. That I was normal and I could get over what had happened last night. That I wasn’t pathetic enough to let him get to me.

But if I said any of that, I’d be lying.

Because when I woke up the next morning, I felt empty and depressed and sad and any other kind of horrible post-breakup feelings somebody could feel. And just how awful I felt about the whole thing made me feel so pathetic. Because I was so pathetic.  

I looked around the room to find the time anywhere and when I did land on the cable box, the green numbers told me that it was two in the afternoon. I never sleep past ten.

When I looked around the room again, I wasn’t surprised to see that Ryder wasn’t there- I was alone in the bedroom.

Without any motivation to get up, I just laid in the big, empty bed for a long time just thinking about everything except for last night. I even resorted into counting the ceiling tiles.

“Oh, you’re up.” Andy chirped coming into the room and I let out a groan, flipping over so that my face was in the pillows. I didn’t want to face her. Or anybody else.

“No I’m not.” I mumbled into the pillow.

“Oh, but I already saw your face.” She chuckled, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“No you didn’t.”

“Holly, everything’s going to be okay.” She said warmly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“No it won’t.”

“It will, I promise. Ryder and his stupid brother are fighting to the death right now, they have been all morning, and then once Ryder breaks through to him, we’ll tell him what’s really been going on. He’ll apologize and feel really bad and you’ll have great makeup sex.”

I didn’t tell her what I was thinking- If he ever does apologize, I don’t think I’d be all okay with forgiving him.

“Why are they fighting?” I groaned, still not taking my face out of the soggy pillow.

“Are you kidding?” Andy asked incredulously. “Ryder’s yelling at him because he hurt you and he’s fighting back because he still thinks that you and Ryder were together together.”

“You can say his name.” I grumbled, almost irritably. “Kale. Kale, Kale, Kale, Kale.” But she was right not to say his name, because when I did, I broke into a random fit of ugly crying once again.

She pulled me into her arms and I cried on her shoulder like some weird person after a breakup.

I was some weird person after a breakup.

“We tried looking everywhere for you when you didn’t come back last night and he told us that you just ran away. After yelling at him for a good portion of time, we went hunting for you but then Jackson called and told us that Ryder called and said that you were with him, so we just all went home. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Do I look okay to you? I thought, but didn’t say it. That would be mean.

After I stopped crying, Andy left the room when I told her that I wanted to be alone.

I laid alone for another while before I decided that I should get up before I grow literally attached to the bed. My feet didn’t carry me to the bathroom where I should have gone to clean up because- let’s face it, I was a mess. My hair clinged to my face due to slobber and tears, my eyes were dead inside my skull, and my makeup was running. My eyes were puffy and read and they just screamed “I’ve been crying for days”.