Now That You Are Here

Emotional Support

My heart, soul, and body is worth the world. I shouldn't settle for any less. The problem is, I always seem to settle for less. I settle for less with my family, my friends, my past relationships. I settle for less with my mental health and how I feel about my body. I settle because it's scary to prevail against those who think you deserve less. I've never known someone that was worth going through that, but I'm coming to realize that I don't need anyone else for that.

I need myself. I don't have to settle for these just because I don't have an outside person to fight for. I'm worth fighting for, and I am learning that it's okay to fight for myself. As I become more of an adult, and I go through different things and learn from more experiences, my self-worth has gone up.

With all the things I've been through, it only means I deserve more.

"Rei? Do you have to get to class? I think the tree climbing will have to wait for another day. Sorry."

"Oh my gosh. I'm taking my time with the list. Are you still up for dropping me off at my first lecture?"

"Of course. Dexter honey, are you coming with us?"

"My dad's here. He wants to hang out today."

"Alright, have fun with Zach."

"He might want to see you."

"I think he'll be fine. Just tell him I'm busy."

"I think he loves you more than me."

"You cannot be replaced, my little baby Dex."

Nick moves closer to him, kissing him lovingly on the lips. I awe at the cutest scene I've ever seen. When the two of them pull a part, Dexter has a light pink blush on his face. Nick tugs my hair and takes my books into his hands. I hug Dexter bye, wishing him a fun day with his father. I follow behind Nick as we make our way through the starting to get too crowded coffee shop. 

I wave goodbye to Grady who smiles back at me. Nick and I shuffle our way through the crowd and out the door, breathing in the fresh air. I put my purse and books in the back of the car and get in the passenger seat of the car. Nick and I talk about random things as Nick hustles us to my first lecture.

"Thanks, Nick. I'll see you later."

"I think Brixton wants to hang with us. You can join if you like."

"I have to get to work, but maybe another day."

"Alright. Text any one of us if you need a ride."

"Bye, Nick."

"See ya."

He smiles at me before driving casually away in his car. I hear whistles coming from dumbass boys as I stroll into the lecture hall. I say hello to our professor, taking my usual seat in the second row third to the right. The perfect angle of the whiteboard. Not too close, not too far. I scoured all my classes' lecture halls to get the perfect seat. I'm not getting a shitty seat for a whole year. No fucking way. I watch as my other peers make their way into the class and their seats, not paying attention to me. Not that I would want them to.

My lectures go by faster than I thought they would with about twenty pages of notes filling my college ruled paper notebook. I roll my wrist in order to try to calm the aching sensation I seem to have every time I get out of my lectures for the day. My head starts to ache as I think about all the homework I'm about to have to do. 

Plus keep my job, pay bills, not cry (which is totally not going to happen), and try to be a good person (which is also totally not going to happen). I hate being an adult sometimes. I catch the bus, full of all different kinds of people, as I make my way to Danny's. Once I reach work, I change into my oversized smock with grease covering the sleeves.