Loving the Fighter

29

Jax's POV

I should have known better but I had hoped that after my shower I would be back to normal. I always hoped I could go back to normal but it never happened.

For the rest of the night up until now I was stuck in a daze.

When people talked it sounded like I was underwater. I could see things clearly but it was like my mind was still asleep and it didn't register what I was seeing.

All I did that day was follow the leader. I followed Ryder to breakfast, Callum to lunch, and Liam to my session. In the times between that I sat on my bed, huddled up in a small corner, sitting with my legs crossed, staring at nothing but the wall in front of me.

My back, which was lying up against the headboard, tingled as if it was reminding me how it felt to wake up that morning. Of course, back then my back didn't just tingle. I didn't move at all that day, it hurt to even move my head so I didn't care enough to move the rest of my body.

The next day, when the pain wasn't as bad I forced myself to look at how bad it was. Almost every place he hit had a scab over it, very few were only red and stung a bit, which I was very happy for.

It kind of became a tradition after that. Every night, when I was sure my father was asleep, I would sneak to the bathroom and just look at my body.

Mapping out scabs, scar healing, random bruises I got from the fighting.

Every night when I peeled off my shirt I hoped I wouldn't see anything. Hoping that when I looked this time, I would have nothing but clean skin. I was obviously never that lucky though.

"Jax," was the first word I actually heard and registered all day.

My head shot up to where the voice came from, my eyes going a bit wide when I realized where I was. Andrew sat across from me, his desk perfectly clean expect for one folder with my name on the front of it.

He wore a look on his face that I couldn't understand, but his eyes showed that he was worried for whatever reason.

"Are you okay?" He asked, hesitation was clear in voice.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Ryder told me you have been acting weird today."

"I don't think you're allowed to tell me that."

"He told me as a concerned friend, not a patient. He said you just went through the motions today. Sat on your bed, did nothing, barely ate."

"All of those things are normal for me." Andrew gave a small hum at that before pausing for a second.

"So you know everything you've done today?"

"Of course."

"What did you have for lunch," he asked as if he already knew the answer.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"If you know everything that happened today, what did you eat for lunch?"

I thought for a second. The memory was there but I couldn't understand it. It was kind of blurred over and fuzzy, I was mostly only seeing colors. The blue trey, the silver fork, the grey table but how it looked through a camera that wouldn't focus.

I stayed silent for a long time. Andrew's stare bore into the side of my head in a gently way somehow.

"I don't know," I finally say after a few minutes of staring at my hands. His response came almost immediately after mine.