Worlds Away

Chapter thirteen: Answers

The appointment time grew closer and closer. I yelled at the boys to get ready to leave placing Harrison into the car seat carrier. I picked Harrison up while grabbing my purse and diaper bag throwing it over my body while trying to keep Harrison as steady as possible. I grabbed Jack's keys off the table while Alex snagged them right out of my hands.

"I will drive you and Jacky can sit in the back with him," Alex smiled as I glared at him.

"I don't think that is a good idea Alex," I grumbled putting Harrison into the car as Alex climbed in.

"I think it is a genius idea. You both need to talk about shit and stop overreacting."

"Alex," I practically growled out as Jack climbed in behind Alex who climbed in the driver's seat.

Jack sat beside Harrison spinning some of the toys we had dangling out for him. Harrison was always in love with some of those toys playing with them constantly. It was fascinating watching him grow up. I always somehow though felt like a failure. I felt like I couldn't leave him because something would happen and no one would take care of him. It was really hard when Jack and I discussed daycare. I remember the conversation vividly.

Jack wanted Ryleigh and me to get back into the studio. All the guys were really hoping that Ryleigh and I could go back to touring with them in the fall as either an opening act or crew members. Ryleigh had been writing constantly sad songs but also happy love songs. We had written a few random songs that were different to our brand. Nothing was actually put into a studio though. Jack said he needed to go do some work with Alex or Rian the day Ryleigh and I planned to go into the studio. I offered to take Harrison with me but I was informed that was no place for a baby by management. Harrison was not allowed to come with me which sent me into all kinds of panic. Zack was going to hang out with the rest of the guys and I just wasn't okay leaving Harrison alone.

Lisa came over saying she would watch Harrison at Jack's apartment and even followed me around for a day just to keep a routine for Harrison. I felt really guilty though even walking out of the door. I had a panic attack leaving him and it was so bad Ryleigh had to call an ambulance for me in the parking lot. I couldn't do it and that made me feel like an even bigger failure.

While I loved Harrison growing up and becoming bigger. I also really wanted Harrison to stay small forever. I didn't want to have another baby and I was quite open with Jack about this. I didn't want children so having Harrison was a lot for me. I think bout that time all the time and I don't think I could give Harrison a sibling and be able to cope. I was diagnosed with a mild case of postpartum depression by a doctor a few months after Harrison's birth. I was prescribed some anti-depressants and to talk to someone. Jack reminded me every day to take the meds. But, I was beginning to be weaned off them and I was terrified of going back to the person I was before the medication.

Alex pulled into the doctor's office and began to find a parking spot. Alex went toward the parking garage and luckily found a parking space not too far away from the doors in toward the medical facility. Alex pulled in and placed the car in park.

"You two were both mighty silent back there for being a 'happy' couple."

"Alex I am worried about Harrison. Jack isn't. We are just in a-"

"Logan listen. We have gone to countless people who have this issue with a child and it's normal. I don't think we should be poking and prodding my son while they are perfectly fine," Jack spoke bitterly at me while making a face at Harrison to make him giggle.

Alex looked at me with wide eyes. I bite the inside of my lip while fighting back the tears. This was also a new occurrence for Jack and I. It made me really debate mine and Jack's relationship if I was being completely honest. Jack could be the sweetest person most of the time. Jack is human though and had really bad days where it felt like all we did was scream at each other.