𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒅 | moonsun ✓

21 | why?

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

I thought we had something,
something beautiful.
I saw the spark that stood
between us.
But I guess you didn't see me
the way I saw you.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ ☼

Deciding whether or not to do something is hard, depending on the situation of course. In Byulyi's case, almost every decision she's made was life or death. It was her choice to run away from her parents, her choice to live with Krystal, her choice to hide all those problems away, her choice to hurt herself more than she should, and her choice to move away from all these problems. She's been lucky to have lived through every single one, but like other people, she always has that gut feeling inside that both choices could be wrong. It's like a getting hit with a choice that ends the same.

If she hadn't had moved away, who knows how much she would have suffered if she stayed at home just mourning someone who she witnessed get it hit by a vehicle right in front of her damn eyes while watchingthem get dragged away to the other side of the street? Byulyi swears to herself at the moment that she could feel everything inside just wilt away; she could even feel herself just separate her body. She saw herself on that pavement painfully sobbing away the sight in front of her face. Then after, she felt the arms of strangers comforting as they dragged the young Byulyi away from the scene.

Little did she know that a few months later, those memories would be tied back to her no matter how far she was. She felt confident in herself that she would move on from that chapter of her life, but boy was shewrong.

Byulyi feels herself wilting away again. The weakness within just constantly bringing her down below the ground as she fought to stay on her feet. Her extremely self-conscious self consistently urging her that no matter what she did, it is still not enough. She's been trying to get her life back into the circle, but it just feels like a purposeful cut and then it feels like she was hanging off the edge of a cliff by her fingers.

How do I close a chapter of my life? How do I start a new one? Every single day those slow memories of those verbally hurtful words used by her parents and immature school children, the doctor visits, the blood, the cold, the therapy, the quietness. She's been mentally punching herself in the stomach because everywhere around reminded her of those times. No matter how far she goes, they always lurk behind in those shadows.

There's no choice anymore.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Here comes the blankness again. Byulyi finds herself staring back up the white ceiling, stomach in aching knots and everything just wandering. She traces lazy circles in the air like it's going to benefit at all. The painful beating of a headache in her head kept the girl awake even if her eyes tried to flutter shut. The weak pain was unbearable. All she felt is like a falling feather floating to the ground.

The world just seems a lot more darker than before.

Byulyi grabs her phone, turning it on to useless notifications irrelevant apps. Entering the passcode, the screen lands onto the bright screen of the text messaging app which takes a couple of moments for her eyes to get used to. She eyes disappointingly scan the dryness of my message history.

Byulyi even noticed she hasn't messaged Yongsun in a while, wherever that girl was𑁋probably celebrating the success of her boyfriend. They both probably got over their problems and have successfully reconciled fully and leaving Byulyi to only bottle up all these unexplainable feelings she has for her. Who knows, maybe they're planning their marriage or something at this very moment.