45 ➳ Lila's Story

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RUNNING

FOR  MILES

For some reason, this past week has been such a long, boring, and slow one. I felt as though all I've done this week is attend long boring class that has just given out heaps of homework and things to study on for our upcoming exams which sucks because I would way rather be over at Hales place cuddling him while watching a movie of some description or even going for a long drive around the surrounding forests.

Speaking of hale I feel as though I've barely seen him or maybe that's just me being clingy but in my defense, I haven't gone over to his house all week as he's been super busy training for the next upcoming game, apparently, coach has been on his and Lakyn's backs a lot lately as there is a rumor they could be drug testing the players next game.

I'm begging and praying that it's just a rumor as I know for a fact that Lakyn won't be able to stay clean, well maybe if Lila helps him but I seriously don't think that would be a very fun thing to help someone try and stop.

Addiction is such a sad and hard thing to break, I've personally seen it and somewhat been through it, well the helping processes anyway. I tried helping my mother to get clean, she told me that she hated seeing me live in such a disgusting place and that it was time for a change.

She did so well the first three days, I made sure I was with her every minute of every day I even slept with her at night. I tried to keep her busy as I had known if her mind was busy and not of her next fix, then there would be a possibility that she won't feel the need or well want to get high.

But I had left her in the lounge room for a mere few minutes to make sure our home branded fries weren't burning in our rusty old oven, I had come back to find her gone, I freaked out and called out for her. I had found her minutes after, laying in the bathtub, an empty needle next to her as she smiled, looking out the window.

I remember my face dropping, I tiptoed out of the bathroom as she started to mumble about things that weren't there and scratching her arm. Crying was the only thing I did till the sun had set that night, all I could feel was betrayal and it felt horrible especially because my mother had caused the feeling to appear in my young body.

"Hey." Sammy said, bringing me out of my dark thoughts, "You okay kiddo?"

It's such a hard question to answer, especially when I feel sad and well empty, but for no real reason at all. It's hard to explain because even I'm not sure how to explain the way I'm feeling because everything around me is good but for some reason, I feel as though I could break down at any second.

I nodded with a smile, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Sam rolled his eyes as he got up off the couch and plonked down next to me, "Then what's on ya mind?" he asked as he looked over at me.

"Do you... Do you ever think about mom?" I asked as I slowly looked into his.

His eyes went wide as he just looked at me, unable to say anything as he pulled his hand through his hair and looked away from me, "No." he breathed in as he tapped his foot and then bit down onto his lip, "I don't."

It was a lie.

Sam does this slightly weird thing when he lies, its normally two soft taps of his foot on the ground, and then its followed by him biting down on his lip. He's done those two things ever since he was a small child, it was how my mother and father had managed to always know when he was trying to lie to them about something.

"Bullshit." I snapped as I sent him a glare with my blanket still wrapped tightly around me, "You must, there's no way that you can't have at least once thought about her." I paused as I looked up at him, "She's your mother."

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