insight. jschlatt x reader

nine.

(y/n) went home that night extremely giddy. not only did she have her next date planned out with johnathan, but he'd also kissed her. many times. each time more enjoyable than the last. of course, like always, johnathan had walked her home from his house and given her a sweater when she got chilly. she'd held his hand the entire walk home, and he'd shared an earbud and played his music for her. the whole walk was spent in silence, not a word shared between the two of them but the glances they stole at each other was plenty to fuel the stupidly large grins on both of their faces.

when they reached the front door of her building, she stood one step up from him so they could be more eye level, and they kissed again- short and sweet, fueled by innocent puppy love. she almost invited him in, but it was rather late and they'd spent a lot of time together today already. (y/n) figured he might want some alone time or time with friends, she wasn't entirely sure what he'd spend his night doing but she was very certain that she was going to go message her friends about the whole night.

as she entered her apartment, the video she posted rose back in her minds eye. it had only been up for maybe an hour or two, but it wouldn't hurt to go look at how it was doing she supposed. sinking down in the shitty office chair she had in front of her desk, she pulled on headphones and woke up her computer. 

pulling up the video was surreal, of course, it wasn't an insane amount of views, but it was pretty similar to johnathan's numbers as it was his fans that he'd sent to go watch it. she'd gained a decent amount of followers but she figured they wouldn't stay for long once she started making solo content. the number of comments wasn't exceptionally high, but it was a little daunting to her.

she knew people could be awful on the internet, (y/n) had been in her fair share of flame wars in her younger teens days when she thought being edgy was more important than being polite. was she ready to see what these people were surely saying about her? hell no. was she going to read them anyways? hell yes.

scrolling down, she saw the top comment. 'why is schlatt associating with more dumb broads? didn't he learn after his date with minx?' not too bad, got a good chuckle out of her. the second top comment was actually pretty supportive, saying that the two of them got along really well and had good chemistry on camera. more comments, a couple calling her a clout chaser or a whore and a couple telling her that she seemed really cool already.

she'd linked to her own personal twitter, which she didn't have anything on because she'd never really gotten twitter as a platform, and once checked she saw a small amount of people had followed her. she'd changed her profile picture from her face to her new branding and tweeted once about her new video, but that was all that could be found on her page. she wasn't incredibly exciting on twitter, but it would do.

finally done with looking at the new video, and frankly a bit bored of just reading comments that all essentially said the same thing, she decided to check the stores where she could go buy johnathan an outfit. she knew his sizes and his general style, he was very big on sweatshirts, sweatpants, and occasionally jeans, so she wanted to keep to that and not be too mean to him. although she did think it would be interesting to dress him up in something a little nicer, see what he'd look like in a nice button down and some nice pants maybe.

while she was online shopping for his clothes, a feeling started nagging at the back of her mind. it was a feeling she was well acquainted with although she couldn't put a name to it. it was an aching, uncomfortable feeling. one that sat deep in her stomach and refused to leave. her hands started sweating and her chest felt tight, but she just shook it off. she felt this feeling often, so she was sure she could handle it. 

she could not handle it.

just five minutes after the feeling started, she was buried under her blankets, a far off look in her eye. her mind just kept spinning over and over again, what if johnathan believed all those things the people in the comments were saying? she did look like she was a clout chaser, they'd only known each other for a short amount of time. how did he know that she wanted to genuinely be friends and not just friends for the fame?

more and more what ifs swam through the mess of her mind, all leading up to the point where she felt like she couldn't breathe. it's as if air didn't exist in her apartment anymore, tears forming in her eyes as she gasped for breath. it hurt, it hurt so terribly bad. 

after a half hour of laying in bed, sobbing and gasping for breath, (y/n) had calmed down significantly. her whole body felt heavy, weighed down. she was the kind of sore you get from taking a very long test that you didn't study for, her brain turned to mush and her body tingling with exhaustion. she'd never experienced anything like that before, it was awful. it felt like time had stopped and she was going to die in that frozen moment.

her phone buzzed on the table next to her, but she was far too tired to move to pick it up. instead, she buried her tear stained face into her wet pillow and closed her eyes, determined to sleep off this disgusting feeling.

surely she'll feel better in the morning.

hello hello i tried very hard on this chapter hehe

also chapters from hereon out are probably going to take a long time between each since we're starting to reach the rising action part of the story :))