Mask of Celibacy

Chapter 16

LiveDiary-Your On-Line Journal

for the 21st Century

The Celibate Life

@CelibateForLife

Let the world know we're

more than a plus sign.💜💪

Sunday, March 14, 1999

548 views

50 likes

60 comments

I'm going to ask you a tricky question.

Don't say the first answer that comes into your head. Really think about it. If you do, I guarantee it'll be a mind trip. Right, so here goes:

What is sexual attraction?

Most common answers

-When someone looks hot...

Nope, that's aesthetic attraction.

-When someone arouses you...

Nope, that's an autonomic physiological response (i.e. you have only some control over arousal).

-When you want to bang someone...

This is closer to the truth, but still vague and unhelpful.

So what is it?

It's important to ask this question because people define asexuality as the lack of sexual attraction. My research has led me to believe that the term sexual attraction has different meanings for each person, though. It also manifests in unique ways. How can anyone have a scientific, objective discussion about that concept-or asexuality for that matter-without any consensus on what it actually entails?

If my orientation is defined as the absence of a (desired) quality, how will I ever come to understand it?

It's hard as hell!

If the scientific literature can't give me a satisfying answer, the bro-science articles are even worse. They're filled with blatant platitudes such as, "You'll know it when you feel it."

I swear if I read those words one more time, I'm gonna barf.

Those sound like pure cop-outs to people like me who don't feel it and will never feel it. It's akin to explaining the color red to a blind person by saying they'll know it when they see it.

*rolls eyes*

So, I decided to puzzle it out for myself. I haven't even come close to a eureka moment, I'm afraid. But after pondering the issue for days, I've developed a rough definition of sexual attraction that I hope to refine over time.

Sexual attraction

(All conditions must be met for the phenomenon to count as sexual attraction.)

- an innate, biologically pre-programmed response to a stimulus

- the stimulus can be physical, mental, or emotional

- the response must include a desire for some kind of sexual activity

- that desire must focus on a real person

- the goal is to catalyze a potential relationship or deepen a pre-existing one

Please note: In this case, the word relationship is defined as any connection between two people, no matter how trivial or meaningful. It includes anything from a one-night stand with a stranger to a lifelong marriage and everything in between.