Bad Decisions - Alex Turner

33. Stop The World

  Saorise's wedding day fell upon the most beautiful day in June. It was something out of a fairytale. The entire morning had been filled with rushing back and forth in the endless effort to make sure everything was absolutely perfect. Saorise and all of us bridesmaids having our hair and makeup done by stylists she'd hired to ensure each of us looked our best. But none of us could out do her. She was the most beautiful bride I'd ever seen and it made me so emotional when it hit me that my best friend was actually getting married.

  The stress of getting everything ready on time seemed to simmer down a tad when we got to the reception to see all the guests before the ceremony. But even then I felt frantic at heart. I couldn't even imagine being the one getting married because being a bridesmaid alone was enough to keep my heart racing all day. I just wanted Saorise to have the perfect wedding she'd always imagined and knowing that one of my friends was now going to be married off already really put into perspective how time had flown.

  Even though my mine was racing a million miles an hour on seven billion different things, I didn't forget who was coming to meet me. And that was one of the most anxiety inducing parts of the whole day.

  Every time I walked passed a mirror I would find myself stopping and taking a second look at myself. Saorise really wanted us to all feel and look beautiful but I just couldn't help second guessing myself. I even slinked off to the bathroom before my partner arrived and spent a good fifteen minutes just looking at myself in the mirror.

Even though it was Saorise's special day, I couldn't help but feel some kind of sadness at the whole thing. Even though it had been months, I still thought about Christian from time to time. Looking in the mirror especially. It took a lot for me to be able to see myself as my own person and not the person I was when I was with him. And a lot for me to be happy with the way I looked because I always heard his voice in the back of my head making me question whether or not I ever looked good enough.

Saorise had picked out the most gorgeous bridesmaids dresses for us. I eyed the silky golden slip dress that hung off my body to the middle of my shins and how the glistening fabric reflected the sunlight in beautiful yellowy shimmers. She'd picked out matching glittering gold heels that rose me a good three inches in height and made me feel like I was on a runway wherever I walked.

  Looking up at my face I bit down on my lip hard as I told myself something I hadn't in years. You look pretty.

  It felt weird and out of place but I genuinely felt good about my appearance for once. Saorise really had pulled it off.

  Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the bathroom and walked through the group of people once more as I began the search for Alex. And let me tell you, the second other people were able to look at me, all that self confidence disappeared. So many people kept looking at me as I walked passed them and it began to make me feel less and less good about the way I looked.

  I hadn't seen Alex yet that day, but he'd messaged me letting me know he was on his way. I saw him the day he got back to LA but that was it because straight after I was helping Saorise with her last minute preparations.

  We were in Malibu for a wedding right by the beach. Saorise had even gone the extra mile in booking a bunch of us rooms at a nearby hotel so we didn't have to travel all the way home that night and could instead, treat ourselves to a stay at a luxurious hotel by the water. I'd already paid for a room for two months ago, back when Christian and I were still together and I planned for us both to stay after. Now it was just going to be me and if Alex wanted to join I told him he was more than welcome to but I didn't expect him to for several reasons.

I weaves through all the guests, craning my head up to look around for Alex to see if he'd arrived yet. Maybe he's outside. Leading up to the wedding, I'd been excited as all hell ever since Al said he'd come with me. I didn't know why. He hadn't shown me his suit either but told me he'd bought one specifically for the occasion.