Infinity||H.S.

You Are The Reason

No matter how hard I try
You keep me pushing me aside and
I can't break through
There is no talking into you.
It's so sad that you are leaving
And it takes sound to believe it.
But after all said and done
You're gonna be the lonely one
Ohhh.

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside of me say
I really don't think you are strong enough no.
Do you believe the life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you are strong enough no.

What am I supposed to do?
Sit around and wait for you,
Well I can't do that
There is no turning back
I need time to move on
I need love to feel strong.
Cuz all the time I think it through
And maybe I am too good for you

****

2017, June.
Holmes Chapel

Noelle

I knew this time was coming. I knew I would get the call sooner or later but actually getting it, broke my heart into peaces.

My dad called me yesterday morning, his call reminded me of the one I received from him the night my mum died. His voice was cracked, interrupted but sobs.

It took me less than five minutes to decided to book the first flight home I could find

He needed me.

Last time I saw him was over Christmas and things were so awkward between us I just prefered to forgot about it. After our night together, things obviously changed - seeing his photos with Kendall Jenner still stings - and I just couldn't find in me the strength to be his best friend anymore.

Yes, we still talked from time to time, but not as much as we did before.

He gave the blame to his busy schedule - acting in a Christopher Nolan movie and recording a new album in Jamaica took most of his time - but I knew deep down, it was something more.

I blamed my love for him, I was in too deep to act like I didn't have those feelings.

But today I had to. He needs me.

I went by his house as soon as my dad parked his car in our driveway after he came to pick me up from the airport. I just ran to his door, leaving my belongings in the car and knocked, waiting impatiently for someone to open it.

The first I saw was Gemma. Her eyes puffed and blood-shotted, pain and grief written all over her face.

I hugged her close, letting her cry on my shoulder and trying to give her all my comfort I could as I tried to hold back and be strong for her.

The next one I saw was Anne. I don't even have words to describe what she was feeling but it broke my heart. She was trying to be strong for her children but her pain was clear.

And then there was Harry, closed in his room. He didn't say a word to me and I didn't say anything back. We just hug each other and laid down on his bed until the morning after, alternating moments of his quiet sobs to moments and silence.

All his family and friends were there for the funeral, I stood by his side, holding his hand the enter time, wanting nothing more than to let him know I was there for him, no matter what.

Later that night, when everyone went home, Harry decided to take a shower as I was again laying on his bed, the black dress I wore all day long gone and replaced by a pair of shorts and a grey Harley Davidson t-shirt I stole from him.