The Luna and Her Moon

Chapter 33

Sitting with Xavier's mother and nannies, I couldn't control the laughter I struggled to contain. We had been sitting here for the past two hours simply looking at all of the pictures they had of young Xavier. It turns out he was quite the troublemaker when he was little, running around and messing everything up around the house. However, it made for some pretty priceless pictures of him so Andrea said it was worth it.

"Oh! This one is my favourite." Martha exclaimed as she pulled a picture from one of the countless numbers of books. Holding it up with a smirk she revealed a young Xavier covered in spaghetti, wearing nothing but a diaper. Atop his head was a pot and he was standing in the kitchen, surrounded by what appeared to be pots and pans scattered around the open-drawer kitchen. I wonder who could've done that.

I burst out laughing at the toothy smile Xavier had in the picture as if he was proud of his actions. Next to me Andrea smacked her hand to her forehead. "I remember that." She sighed. "I had just spent hours cooking my homemade spaghetti for Carter because he requested it for his birthday and I had left the kitchen so I could tell him it was ready. We came back to enjoy the meal to find Xavier covered in my hours of hard work screaming, 'Happy Birthday, Daddy!" After that he proceeded to lick his arms to taste the sauce and then had the audacity to tell me it was good and I should've made some for dad since it was his birthday."

At this point I was keeled over at Xavier's innocence and cuteness as a child, patting Andrea's back in comfort. "Wow, did you ever have quite the child."

Andrea gave a heartwarming smile as she became lost in memory. "That's true. But at the end of the day it made for some pretty good memories that I wouldn't exchange for the world."

My lips upturned as I thought of how lucky Xavier was to have such loving parents. It was something I had always wished to have but never would. Unfortunately you can't go back in time and I would never receive the childhood I wanted.

"What about you, honey?" Diane stated as she looked up from a scrapbook she was sifting through. "What was your childhood like?"

The smile disappeared from my face in seconds as I lost all the air from my lungs. I had never been asked flat out and I was taken completely off guard, making my anxiety take control. I thought I had been making progress but at this moment I felt as if I was right back where I started. My breaths began to come in gasps as I felt the anxiety attack begin. I couldn't tell them; I wasn't ready yet.

My hands tightened onto the side of the table as the three ladies began to show their growing concern. "Anna, what's happening?" Andrea's worry was clear as she reached out to touch my shoulder.

I jerked back at the contact as my body seemed to be on overload. Why was this happening? I had made so much progress and now a simple question is bringing me back to the beginning? "I- I don't know." I paused, wanting this to be over with. I had gone so long without a panic attack and the feeling made me feel foreign to my own body. "Xavier, please."

Memories swirled around my head as I tried to focus on anything but my childhood. However as much as I wished to get out, I was trapped. Customers faces appeared in my memories making me want to wretch at the disgusting human beings and what they had done to me. I could hear the names they called me and the yelling of my parents as I was beat for no reason growing louder and louder.

Why was I stuck? Grabbing my head I could just barely hear the hollering of Andrea as she called out for Xavier over and over, desperation dripping from her tone.

I could hear the stomping of feet as someone came barreling into the room. My vision was starting to become blurry and I could only hope Xavier could calm the storm threatening to take over my body. Please be Xavier. Please be Xavier. Please.