Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Elysia: Inevitable Mistakes

Title: Inevitable Mistakes

Author: Ashleethegoodgirl

Reviewer: ScarredHeroes

Description + Book Cover: 3/5

Such a cute book cover! The tagline is cliché, so I suggest you try scooping for a line that describes your story and resonates in the reader's mind and heart.

Your description was formidable, although it was quite direct and had no 'drama' or element that will urge the reader to immediately click on the button. This is something that comes only in the form of rephrasing, albeit a couple of times. As your story progresses, altering the description will help you gain reads.

Iris Cameron and Alex Hamilton couldn't be more different. Her focus is on graduating from college and being the best doctor in Minnesota. His focus is on being the best footballer in and outside of Minnesota. She is a pessimist at heart cursed with the face of an optimist. He is quite literally the opposite. She is poor and he happens to come from a really rich family. Need I say more?

How do you say that Iris and Alex couldn't be more different? They're basically polar opposites in terms of status, goals ect. I'm guessing you're trying to say that they're different?

An eventful night leaves Iris homeless and broken on the streets of Minnesota and as fate must have it, she runs into a drunk and semi-conscious Alex Hamilton. After helping him to get inside his home, she finds herself taking the most insane risk she's ever taken.

Here's it an 'uneventful' or 'heartbreaking' night, considering she is negatively affected due to this event.

She decides to live in Alex's empty attic and he is blissfully unaware. But will it stay this way for long? And what will happen when the two properly meet?

Well, it's simple really. They both epically screw up and make some inevitable mistakes.

I will say, you could definitely revamp this description, if you know how your story ends. Try making it a whole circle, bits and pieces of words from the end put in along with a small basic introduction.

Also, 'Inevitable Mistakes', is a great title, but please keep in mind that you don't go way ward and toxic if you're trying to push these two together into a couple. If you are planning to, make sure that you incorporate a sort of excerpt where readers can see what they're getting into.

Writing Style: 4/5

Your story seems to have a firm skeletal base and thats something you should be very proud of. Every chapter has something that adds to the characters that you introduce and thats what made me interested.

Your writing style seems to fluent and comprehensible, apart a few grammar errors and typos, there is nothing much to comment on.

Grammar + Punctuation: 3/5

There's nothing in particular that is required to point out in each paragraph of your story. So I'm giving pointers as to how you can impress your readers, in this arena.

Expand your vocabulary list; thats what I say everyday, to myself and the other writers. I don't mean fancy, complex words but more on the lines of professional and easy to articulate without any hassle.

Try incorporating such words when you're explaining the atmosphere, situation-anything physical or something that can be explained in a different way and then shift to the normal, colloquial ones when you're writing dialogue.

Your punctation was on point, so I have no issues there.

Characterisation: 4/5

Your characters are absolutely splendid! Each one of them is unique, crazy and weird in their own way.

Again, I had no specific issues except I really want you to plunge a little more deeper into their psyche and bring some quirks that affect their various situations.

Give them pet peeves like 'unable to hold onto secrets' and put them in a situation where they reveal it during a unholy time. Give them flaws, put them in a situation where it's being used against them.

The waters of your story are smooth, although it's starting to shake, I would suggest you incorporating small things that will help out/affect the characters.

Plot + Originality: 4/5

I've read teen fiction/romance and there are only some books and characters I tend to remember. Iris and Finn are on that list. I like them a lot. Your story, cliche some areas, has some spark that will be proven to be unique if the rest of your story pertains to your story plan, title and general sensibility.

Don't make your story fake, make it realistic-where readers can see themsleves, or enjoy seeing characters in it. Don't be afraid to change it a little bit, be sure in what you're writing.

Your plot, characters are in good form and I like the ease and comfort you story exudes. Not many stories have that.

Plot wise, all I'm saying is, be dramatic, be courageous to put your characters in any kind of situation. Cliche at times is fine, needed too, but don't make it into something you never wanted it to be.

To be different, you have to make sure its 'you' trying to tell something.

OVERALL SCORE: 18/25