Dear Harry, The One Where I Write To You. ( harry styles) #wattys2015

Part 5

(Harrys POV)

There I was.. Sitting in my black Range Rover in the car park as huge drops of rain hit the windows but i didn't have the strengh to get out instead i started down at the brown journal on my passanger seat looking at it. once i finished inspecting it i took a deep breath before flipping it open. the first page was covered in your neat handwriting, still crisp from a year ago. i decided before i got out the car i would read the journal.. the whole thing.

i knew i was buying time but at this moment time was what i really needed. my hand fumbled at the side of the seat until i found the lever that pushed the seat back so i could get comfortable because i knew i was going to be here for awhile.

for awhile all i did was stare at the words, i was too scared to read it, i didn't want to have all those memories come back. i didn't wan't to feel all those previous feelings. i didn't want to think about something i was trying so hard to forget.

a thin sheet of sweat covered my body as i sat there not knowing what to do... i kept taking deep breaths.. deeping breaths each time. all i wanted was to forget everything, to make all of the emotion that i was feeling go away, to go back in time and fix everything.

i sat there my eyes glazed over wishing everything would get better. i had never felt so close to the pain that was drumming so hard in my gut and i couldn't handle it anymore. i wanted everything to end!

after a few long minutes of strained breaths and anxious fingers i finally managed to calm myself down at least for a moment anyway.. my eyes slowly glanced at the words inscribed on the page, trying to avoid them but having no luck. i forced myself to process the lines and not stopping until i had read each line, every single line.

taking one last deep breath which was extemely hard, i began to read. letting all the memories uncoil around me along with all the happiness, pain, sadness and lots of love