The Wandering God

44 Not Close One's Eyes Even In Death 2/2

死不瞑目
Sǐ bù míngmù
Not close one's eyes when one dies.
Die with a grievance or discontent.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"You do not have to stay here trapped with me Ao," Sanli said. We sat by a window of the long hall where he was to hold his mourning vigil for the next two months.

The prince could leave the hall only to eat and sleep, and that only for a third of his day. The rest of his time he had to remain in this hall, wearing the clothes of a mourner. The ridiculous white robes fell in folds around his handsome figure, making him look like a folded letter more than a person.

"I have nowhere else to go, prince."

"You can go back ahead of us. I will send some of Zhangyu's guard to protect you at Wo You Nai. Or you can stay with Ermi. Zhangyu has so many spies in her staff, you will be safe there as well."

I had forgotten about the sizable bounty that had been placed on me. Having spent so much time as an unwanted fugitive, I had grown used to the sensation of being hunted.

The prince had remembered though. "Thank you prince," I said. "But I will stay with you."

"Oh. Alright then," said Sanli, shifting on the thin cushion he sat on. The white mourning robes rustled just like the paper they resembled. "But you don't actually have to stay with me, you know. YOU can leave the hall. I can't. Actually..." Sanli's eyes gleamed. "Can you steal me some food from the kitchens? I'm starving."

"Aren't you supposed to fast, prince?"

"I don't care. The old woman made my life miserable. Let me have this small rebellion."

I laughed and went to fetch him something to eat.

After sneaking into the kitchens, and sweet talking the monks working there into giving me fresh bread and some jarred fruit to bring back to the prince, I left, taking a long way back to the mourning hall. The prince could wait a little longer for his illicit snack.

I was enjoying the sky. For the first time in months, I could see blue for more than a few moments at a time. The clouds were still there, white traced with grey, but the blue turned them into islands, isolating them from one another. Beautiful soft islands floating in a clear blue sea.

Who would think I, who loved rain and clouds, would enjoy seeing the blue sky so much.

I was walking looking up at the curved rooftops of the temple against the blue sky when a door before me opened and I almost walked into it.

"Are you sure?" I heard Kageyama's voice.

"I am sure," Zakhar replied. Then the door shut and he stood before me.

For the first time in weeks he was forced to look at me.

"Ao," was all Zakhar said. I hardly had time to observe that the wound on his cheek had healed nicely and his beard was returning before Zakhar turned and walked away.

I tried to control the sinking feel of loss that crept over me. Instead I knocked on Kageyama's door.

"Have you changed your- oh. Ao. Lady Ao." Kageyama stood there, dressed in one of his black yukata robes he commonly wore in his room.

"Lord Kageyama," I replied courteously.

"What do you wan- can I help you?" Kageyama asked, recovering from his surprise at seeing me.

"Nothing. I just thought I would stop by. Unless I am troubling you?"

"Oh. Of course not. Uh, come in."