Breathe Again

16: Whoever Said You Should Talk About Your Problems was Dumb

When he wakes up the next morning Isaac thinks his head may be splitting open. The thought of opening his eyes makes him want to die and then as memories last night come back to him in fragments, vague moments infiltrating his brain, he wants to go back to sleep for the rest of his life, or for the rest of the trip at the very least.

It comes back in flickers, dancing, doing a shot, lips pressed against Liam's, Liam pulling away. They float in and out of his brain and he struggles to grip onto any of them, they're flying away before he can truly grasp them, process them, figure out how he really feels. He has an unsettled feeling in his stomach and he doesn't think it's from the alcohol, more likely it's from the memory of everything that happened. Isaac wishes he could throw up his feelings, have his body purge itself of them like it does everything else.

"Are you awake?" Liam asks from the bunk above.

Perhaps unsurprisingly Liam sounds surprisingly chipper, and Isaac can't help but wonder how he can possibly sound so with it after last night. He and Liam drank exactly the same amount, matching each other drink for drink, and yet Liam seems absolutely fine, and Isaac wants to sleep for the rest of his life. He wonders if shame is perhaps an effective liquor, that perhaps he's had more than he anticipated.

He slowly opens one eye and then the other, he feels physically pretty fine - or at least not like he's about to heave - but he feels emotionally horrendous. He feels like he can't get enough grip on the memories of last night to really figure out how he feels about them, he feels shame and guilt and disappointment settle in his stomach like a lead weight though and figures that he can't feel too good about it all.

He can't blame Liam for pulling away, Isaac made a move without checking Liam would be okay with it, and Liam has a girlfriend but after the events of the past few days Isaac has fooled himself into thinking maybe things were different. That perhaps Liam was interested and had broken up with Penny, but now Isaac is just confused. Maybe Liam wasn't as interested as Isaac had led himself to believe.

"Unfortunately I am," Isaac replies eventually.

"Wonderful. I have a great day planned."

"I think our ideas of a great day are very different."

"Maybe so," Liam says, "but it is tipping it down outside and so our options are rather limited. So I don't think there's much room for complaining, this place is great but the options for indoor activities are near non-existent."

Isaac manages to prop himself up and look out of the window eventually and is somehow surprised to find that it is indeed raining. He figures he shouldn't really be surprised, they do live in the UK after all and rain is kind of a given, but it has been such nice weather up until now. Isaac supposes this could be taken as a metaphor of the current state of the situation.

"Ugh." Is all he can bring himself to say in response.

"I see you're your usual ray of sunshine self," Liam tells him, "luckily for you I'm an amazing person and come bearing gifts."

Isaac watches warily until Liam hands him a glass of water, some painkillers, and a bacon sandwich.

"You are a god among men."

"You're welcome."

"What's the plan then?" Isaac asks around a mouthful of food.

"The Beatrix Potter museum."

Isaac looks up in slight disbelief.

"I can't say it's somewhere I've ever thought I wanted to go."

Liam rolls his eyes and wordlessly passes Isaac a napkin, gesturing to the corner of his mouth where Isaac can feel a blob of ketchup sitting.

"Well like I said our options are limited, and besides, I used to really love her books when I was a kid."