Mask of Celibacy

Chapter 32

Reality hit me pretty hard as soon as I met my grandparents in front of O'Kane. Mom's broad smile morphed into a puzzled, disapproving frown when she noticed my new attire.

"Hi, Jess!" Grandad said as he cast a worried glance towards Mom. "Looks like you had fun with your new friends."

"I did, thanks," I replied, trying to keep upbeat. I decided to ignore my grandmother's disdain, which oozed from her like an invisible, poisonous miasma. "It was awesome."

"Hello, dear," Mom said, giving me another scrutinizing stare. "Where are your clothes?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Helen and I just had a makeover this morning. Cute, huh?"

Not a lie, just not the whole truth.

"It's...different."

"Helen let me take this home," I said, trying to stay strong while my voice faltered. "She's got so many, she needed to make room for more. I didn't waste my money or anything."

"I see."

Mom didn't need to berate me with a lecture. Oh, no. She had this genius way of tearing me to shreds with one piercing glare. Or one well-timed huff of disapproval. Ripping away all my resolve until I felt like that same little child I was twelve years ago. Clutching Mom's feet, begging for her to save me.

And save me she did. All I needed to do was follow her rules. A small price for my reprieve.

Until now...

Now I was an adult.

Resentment rose like burning acid in my throat as I tossed my bag in the back seat with a callous flick. I'd had my taste of freedom. True freedom. Returning to this strictness felt as though they'd decided to wrap me in a straitjacket when I'd done nothing wrong.

"Carm, what did we talk about?" Grandad whispered in a hushed tone he probably didn't think I could hear.

"Just look at her," Mom said in a shocked whisper. "I'm worried."

My heart thudded against my ribs as I climbed into the back seat, sulking in silence. Dread curled up on my stomach like a black cat kneading my raw insides with extended claws. Tears of shame stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

"Did you have a good time?" Grandad asked, snapping me back to reality. "What did you see? Tell us all about Holy Cross. Are the classes good? Did you make lots of friends?"

My throat constricted, and I fought to stay strong. "I loved it," I answered in a choked voice. "The language labs are...phenomenal, and the people are friendly and welcoming. I can't wait to go."

Grandad and Mom exchanged a meaningful expression I couldn't discern.

"What did you do last night?" asked Mom.

"I hung out with Helen's friends," I replied, trying to skirt the issue.

Mom detected my evasion right away. "Not with Helen?"

"No..."

"Who did you spend time with?"

"Her friends," I replied in an insistent voice.

"Girls or boys?"

Fuck.

My mind froze into solid ice. I couldn't form a single coherent thought. Stupid Jess! I should have come up with an elaborate explanation of what I'd done last night, but I couldn't be bothered.

Most normal people didn't have to lie about hanging out with friends.

"Uh..."

Mom gave me a worried look. "Jess, dear?"